[eltdf_dropcaps type=”normal” color=”” background_color=””]W[/eltdf_dropcaps]hen I was 12 I had one of those cute flowery diary’s which had my life all planned out. Then we moved homes and it sadly got misplaced however, in varsity my eagerness for planning and dreaming out how my life could be in the next 10 years was ever more stronger. So I penned down how from the age of 24 I’d graduate with my honours degree, go on to do my masters degree, travel the world, perhaps work at some well known international organisation for a year, come back home then at age 30 start my business and then maybe consider getting married at the age of 32 and get pregnant before my eggs disappear.

Yep, my life was planned out! I was set and my ways would prevail – if I just made sure that I focus on the goal ahead, work hard and pray that God would make my plans succeed. Needless to say, I was on a power trip and I wanted God to make my plans succeed. I was on my high horse thinking God was my genie, this was my formula: you dream, pray and viola! The doors are open.

Little did I know that I was deceived by my own selfishness-everything was about me – my this, my that, nothing about me being silent before a holy God and asking what he has in store for me. I was not eager to hear his word or voice. In fact I had removed him off the throne and made myself the king of my life. I elevated my fleshly desires above Jesus Christ my Savior.

Many times we often get excited with the journey ahead, we forge forward, we want to be in control of “our lives” and then our worlds often come tumbling down when things don’t go our way, we literally get stuck and go into a depressive state where weeping and gnashing of teeth is experienced. We build our plans on how ‘my life’ should be and never on how much I love God with all my heart. The “me ideal” collapses immediately. As Matthew puts it Mark 12:29–31

[eltdf_blockquote text=”Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30 And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this:‘ You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandmentz greater than these.”” title_tag=”h2″ width=””]

You notice there is a shift of focus when you love the Lord your God. Everything you do, you do with this in mind, heart and strength. My varsity ambitions were for my glory and not for God. I wanted to set my life up in such a way that I’m king. This year I turn 30, half of what I had planned out a decade ago didn’t go as planned and I’m okay with that. Actually I’m thrilled it didn’t, as I would have thought that my life turned out as I planned because of my efforts and wisdom. In fact how things have turned out it has been for my good and sanctification. And I’m so thankful it has turned out the way He intended, otherwise I’d be that “Ms high and mighty” but dead spiritually. I now intend to live for Him. Walk in his ways for his glory just as Paul states in Philippians 3:13 that “…13 for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.

Side note: I have in no way become a saint over night; this has been a gradual process. It took God almost (and still in the process) 10 years to break my will. On a daily basis I ask God “Oh Lord let your will be done, not mine but yours be done!” This is a daily struggle for me but I’m taking it one step at a time. Remembering who is in control.