[eltdf_dropcaps type=”normal” color=”” background_color=””]F[/eltdf_dropcaps]ellow cronies! I have excellent news! We have just found an epically awesome way of initiating project Fornicate version 987.5.1.559956! {CHEERING} Sure sure, the name is a little stale but give us time… give us time.

Our mandate is as it has always been: {CHANTING}, “stay in the shadows, hide in the cupboards, men want to sin, let ‘em all in!” Yes cronies, our timing is puurrrfect! People are convinced, at last, that love is all they need- since love now stands for money and all that money promises, when they say they need love, they mean they need money!!! Hahaha! This plan combines the love of money with the love of pleasure. Humans looooove pleasure. They love feeling good; they write songs about feeling good, change their bodies to feel good and put up posters about feeling good to sell things guaranteed to make them feel good. They are primed.

Before I start, I wanted to address this: I’ve heard murmurs from the lot of you about the fact that we keep recycling one idea and changing its name.[eltdf_blockquote text=” Those who think like this have no vision and are therefore nincompoops! Humans want to deny objective morality and elevate their own desires. The Most High successfully wrote his laws on their hearts and the tension created by the knowledge of right from wrong versus their naughty desires can only be eased by telling elaborate lies with great names.” title_tag=”h2″ width=””] If you don’t understand the basics of Lyology, then you might as well submit your resignation. See if heaven will have you! No takers? Alright then!

So on with business –things are going to get technical now so I suggest all intern cronies pair up with senior cronies– our new project borrows a few concepts from one of our golden oldies. Some of you will remember it by the term “Sugar daddy”. The “sugar daddy” phenomenon was reminiscent of a genie tale: “like a genie – he may be a little old, but if a girl rubs his lamp, he’ll grant her wishes”. And grant wishes our genies did! But the humans of today don’t identify with that term; too many negative connotations have rendered this golden oldie term irrelevant. We have thus rebranded the term and called it Blessers and Blessees. The prostitute became a call girl who then became a sugar baby then a blessee… much less scandalous.

Sugar daddies and their sugar babies have been replaced by blessers and their blessees. Think employer-employee. This new name is perfect for its obvious religious ties… and if you’re adventurous, gag opportunities. This new name sounds innocent, playful and maybe even pious. And if you can find an innocent sounding name for an otherwise distasteful deed, you have won 70% of the promo battle. Now, in order for humans to continue supressing the truth, they need a little help excusing themselves and attempting to explain the sin away so we’re throwing in extra material; we are going to add a bunch of entrepreneurial-feminist sounding mumbo-jumbo to get people behind it. By the time we’re done with this, humans will feel no shame when identifying as blessees and blessers, want social acceptance and desire admiration for detecting an on-demand-resource and capitalising on it.

We will elevate the blessee to a regular employee who could no longer comply with not placing a monetary value on a prized resource and cause those who have that same valued resource but choose to give it away for free to feel a level of shame – “you can’t say you tried everything to make a living when you didn’t really try E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G now can you?” we’ll whisper to them. My absolute favourite aspect about this new gem is that it has the potential to cause maximum damage over an array of human groups; husbands, wives, women, college graduates, business men and teenagers will jump all over it. It will cut across international, class and racial barriers, bringing sinners together in a magnificent debacle of weary dressed like pleasure, opportunity and joy. They will love it, defend it, and endorse it. Cronies, I cannot emphasis enough how wonderful new project is – we therefore need to tell our prey the consistent lie of the age: pleasure is the ultimate good and suffering, in any form, is the ultimate evil. We will make them believe that giving away their bodies is a small sacrifice to pay to secure the pleasure they long for.

And when the feminists object and the Christians write blogs and submit prayers, we’ll be whispering in the ears of those who will listen “they’re just mad ‘cause you getting paid, you’re smart”; then when we’re burning together under the fury of the Most High, we’ll be sure to have them with us. {CHEERING}

 

As always cronies, we have to maintain full deniability. If anyone catches on to the existence of our fabulous principalities at play in this – like we feature in everything else that is naughty –, our plan may backfire and humans may come to the conclusion that our existence must confirm the existence of the Most High exists. And we don’t want that now do we?!

And with that cronies, I bid you all adieu. {CHANTING}, “stay in the shadows, hide in the cupboards, men want to sin, let ‘em all in!”

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