You don’t know me, but we have something in common. For whatever reason, whether it be by choice or not, we’re both single. And I am confident God has a plan and a purpose for my singleness (and yours)—if it’s for a season, or if it’s (as scary as it may sound) for life.
Like most little girls, my childhood daydreams were filled with thoughts of my future wedding. I would someday walk down the aisle in a lacy white dress to my Prince Charming. The day would be perfect. And after the wedding, we would live happily ever after in a castle by the sea.
Fast forward a few years and I’m now 28. That day hasn’t come and sometimes I wonder if it ever will. My aforementioned confidence in God’s plan and purpose for my singleness hasn’t always existed. Over the years I frequently found myself discouraged and lonely, but today I can say that the Lord has given me great joy in this season of my life.
I want to share with you a few specific thoughts that have built my joy as I live life as a single woman. So grab a cup of tea and take a seat. You’re about to get a little glimpse of what the Lord is teaching me about this sometimes awkward and confusing, but oh so beautiful life of singleness He has blessed me with:
- Embrace the life God has given you. For a long time, I believed that somehow God had messed up as He was writing my life story. Surely He didn’t mean for me to still be single with no prospects at almost 29 years of age, it must be a mistake. I mean, my only plan for as long as I can remember was to be a wife and a mom. Can’t God just follow through with His end of the deal? But God has chosen a different path for me at this time. My responsibility is to glorify and bring honor to the Lord through the life He has given me, regardless of my circumstances. A huge thing I’m learning now is this: if I’m not diligent where God has me today, what makes me think I’ll suddenly gain instant diligence if I get married?
- Find your contentment in Christ, not a man. Someone I know was married later in life after a long road of singleness. She had desired to be married her entire life and God finally answered her prayers. Two weeks after they married, her new husband was killed in a tragic accident. If this woman’s contentment was based on the fact that she had finally gotten married, she would have been shattered. God gives and He takes away. Regardless of your circumstances when your contentment rests in Christ you can say “Lord, blessed be Your name!” I think about this story a lot when I struggle with contentment. May contentment in Christ be what defines me, no matter what life does or doesn’t bring!
- Delight yourself in the Lord! One time I was told “God is just waiting for you to delight in Him, and then He’ll give you what you want.” I’ve delighted a lot in God and I’m still single, clearly this whole delighting thing isn’t working as it should. But, what I’ve learned is that when I delight in the Lord, He might not always change my circumstances but He always changes my heart. He has changed my sorrow over my singleness to joy, my grumbling and complaining to praise, my disappointment to contentment, and so much more. Delight yourself in the Lord because He is worthy, not because you want something. His plan is so much greater than anything we could ever ask or imagine.
- Thank the Lord for the gifts He has given you because of your singleness. My parents just adopted a set of siblings, something they never would have done that if I were married and having their grandkids. If this is the only reason the Lord has had me remain single, I would do it again and again, a million times over. Instead of focusing on what I’m “missing” because I’m not married, I choose to find joy in the gifts the Lord has given me because I am single. There are way too many to count.
- Use this time in your life to prepare for whatever future God has planned for you! God doesn’t waste anything. He for sure isn’t wasting your singleness—but you might be. Singleness is a time of freedom, use it to devote your time to the work of Christ and invest in the lives of others. I used to spend a lot of time thinking about marriage, my wedding, and what life would be like with someone beside me—but what a waste of time! I could have spent that time in profitable ways that honored the Lord. The area of time is such a trap—how should you spend it? Serving, loving, caring, learning—just to name a few. Instead of wishing for marriage, make the most of the time the Lord has given you today—and who knows how He will use your present circumstances to make a difference for His Kingdom.
- Invest in the lives of younger women. Stop sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself and find some girls who need a Godly older woman to pour into their lives. Invite them over to make cookies, teach them how to cook and care for a home, take them with you when you go shopping, sit and listen to them as they pour out their hearts about their current struggles, cry with them, love them, live life with them, and point them to Christ. I love the freedom I have to invite a dear sister over and sit chatting with her late into the night. This has been one of the biggest recent blessings of my singleness. It is such a privilege to be involved in the lives of people.
- Don’t shift responsibility to married people for things you should be doing too. I love to cook and I love having people in my home, but some times it’s easy to think people won’t want to come over because it’s just me—this is a lie that I can’t choose to believe! I have just as much responsibility to show hospitality as my married friends. And I have a lot more time and freedom to host people in my home. I also have just as much responsibility to share the gospel with the lost, to extend compassion to strangers, to serve in the church, and to care for the orphan and widow—and this is just the beginning of the list. God doesn’t give these instructions to married people and exempt singles from service. I’ve had to stop playing my single card as an excuse for my fear and laziness and step out in boldness to serve and love as God commands—you should too!
- Be a blessing to the people in your life. God has given us different and unique abilities that we can use to love and serve Him and others. One of the best ways I’ve found to reject the discontentment of my singleness is to seek to serve and bring joy to others. There are a lot of ways this can be done, but here are a few ideas: Make someone a meal. Offer to babysit a friend’s kids for free. Mow your neighbor’s lawn. Take flowers to an elderly lady in your church and read the Bible with her. Sign up to bake treats for an event. Send cards of encouragement. Take time to call and ask your friend what they’re learning in their time with the Lord. Be present in people’s lives and be a blessing.
My dear sister, there is so much more I could say. Let’s grab a cup of coffee sometime and continue this conversation, deal? But when we do, instead of commiserating about our singleness, let’s encourage each other to pursue Christ and trust our future to a God who delights in giving good gifts to His children.
Today that good gift is singleness.
Love from One Single Sister to Another