biblical womanhood

Dear Independent Sister

Dear Independent Sister:

[eltdf_dropcaps type=”normal” color=”” background_color=””]I[/eltdf_dropcaps] cringed as I was writing that greeting because I hate when people call me independent.  But the truth is, it’s what I’ve fought so hard to become.  I have lived much of my life trying to prove people wrong about my ability to be self sufficient.  Trying to prove that I can do it on my own.  It’s a battle I’ve fought hard and a battle I’ve mostly won.  But have I really, though?

So here I am, late 20s and single.  I love my independence.  Sometimes I let it rule my life.  Backing up…let’s be real, I often let it rule my life.  It’s a badge I wear proudly.  Sometimes I wear it so proudly that I don’t know how to take it off.  Several weeks ago, I felt like my badge of independence was being ripped from me.  I got asked out for coffee by a guy I’d just met.  My immediate response was: Uhmm…I don’t have time for this, have a nice day.  

No, I didn’t actually say that! You’ll be relieved to hear that response was just in my head.  I was told by a dear friend recently that if I desire to be married, I have to stop saying no to every single guy that shows interest.  So I texted a girl friend and literally said:  I don’t know what to say.  I have a particular skill in shutting guys down…the reverse, not so much.

That invitation terrified me.  My mind went into an immediate spiral of what-ifs that led to the thought: could this simple little invitation to get coffee be the end of my independence?  And my friend, that is when I realized my independence is an idol in my heart.  That was a painful thing to realize.


Idols aren’t just the little carvings people in different parts of the world have sitting on their mantle.  According to Merriman-Webster’s Dictionary, an idol is a representation or symbol of an object of worship; broadly: a false god.  My friend, that’s what independence is in my heart: a false god.  An idol can be anything that you worship above the one, true God.  My independence is stealing from me my greatest joy: a life in honour of Christ.  Instead of pursuing Christ, I’m pursuing things that give me greater independence.


That little invitation for coffee ended up being nothing.  We chatted a bit, had a nice time, but in the end decided that the Lord was clearly leading our lives in two totally different directions.  But I’m so glad he asked me to coffee, because God used it to expose my heart and show me my sin.


[eltdf_blockquote text=”My greatest fear is that I will be successful in the things that don’t matter for eternity. And my greatest desire is to serve the Lord sacrificially with my whole life. It’s time to put my desire for independence to death. ” title_tag=”h2″ width=””]. May I continue to remain single as long as my service for the Lord has a larger impact through my singleness than through marriage.  But if I meet someone where I can tangibly see a way wherein we can serve the Lord better together, then may I joyfully embrace marriage.  Either way, I can find joy and contentment in the life the Lord has planned for me.


Today, let your dependence be on Christ.


Love from One Independent Sister to Another


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