Malamulo  R.T  Chindongo  brings  to  this  book,  16 years  of  ministry  experience to  college  students and  young  professionals  in  parts  of  Southern Africa  and  the  USA.  Rethinking  Relationships  seeks to  provide  men  and  women  with  a  tool  and  guide in  their  preparation  for  life,  courtship,  marriage and  family. Malamulo is currently serving as one of the elders at Antioch Baptist Church, in Blantyre, Malawi.

About the Book

Why another book on dating & courtship? Dating, courtship, and marriage largely remain areas with more questions than answers for many people. Navigating through these waters has never been easy for any generation. In Rethinking Guy/Girl Relationships, you will find answers to commonly asked questions concerning dating, courtship, and marriage.

Can this book be used for self study? Rethinking Guy/Girl Relationships is not just a book for personal enjoyment or for curious readers, but a biblical guide for those who are serious about developing healthy relationships with marriage in view. The book follows a simple format for easy reading. All the chapter titles are specific questions people ask concerning singleness, dating, courtship, and marriage.

What makes this book important for African readers? Most books on courtship today are written by western authors, and in most cases they overlook addressing issues faced by African men and women. In Rethinking Relationships, the author biblically addresses cultural issues unique to men and women in Africa. As the moral compass of our culture continues to nosedive, new ideas are being suggested to many young men and women on how to go about finding a partner. The entertainment industry has taken the lead with most of its concepts of love, romance, and marriage becoming the cause of most failed marriages.

What can readers expect to learn about the Bible from this book? The Bible provides timeless and working solutions to our problems. God made the marriage relationship, and He has the manual on how to cultivate a glorifying, God-honoring marriage.

Are other topics addressed in the book besides dating & courtship? This is more than a book about dating and courtship. The author seeks to help readers deepen their understanding of biblical manhood and womanhood, and how all these subjects find their meaning in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Who This Book is For:

Single Men & Women & those in a Relationship

Rethinking Relationships is for both single men and women. Those who will get married someday. A lack of preparation is the cause of most relationship and marriage problems.

Engaged & Married Couples

If you are engaged or have  just got  married,  you will  find  this book helpful as you  reflect on things you could have done better, and as you consider the more advanced chapters in  the book together with your partner.

Pastors, Youth Pastors & Bible Study Leaders

If you are someone who is leading a bible study or counseling young couples, you will find this book to be a very helpful tool for guiding others through these difficult waters.

How to Get A Copy of this Book

South African residents can have access to the book by placing an order here: info@28distrcts.org or contacting  0827538517 on WhatsApp. This book is also available on AMAZON

The post 13 Hard Dating & Courtship Questions Answered: Rethinking Guy/Girl Relationships Book Spotlight appeared first on Proverbs 31.

You don’t know me, but we have something in common. For whatever reason, whether it be by choice or not, we’re both single. And I am confident God has a plan and a purpose for my singleness (and yours)—if it’s for a season, or if it’s (as scary as it may sound) for life.

Like most little girls, my childhood daydreams were filled with thoughts of my future wedding. I would someday walk down the aisle in a lacy white dress to my Prince Charming. The day would be perfect. And after the wedding, we would live happily ever after in a castle by the sea.

Fast forward a few years and I’m now 28. That day hasn’t come and sometimes I wonder if it ever will. My aforementioned confidence in God’s plan and purpose for my singleness hasn’t always existed. Over the years I frequently found myself discouraged and lonely, but today I can say that the Lord has given me great joy in this season of my life.

I want to share with you a few specific thoughts that have built my joy as I live life as a single woman. So grab a cup of tea and take a seat. You’re about to get a little glimpse of what the Lord is teaching me about this sometimes awkward and confusing, but oh so beautiful life of singleness He has blessed me with:

• Embrace the life God has given you. For a long time, I believed that somehow God had messed up as He was writing my life story. Surely He didn’t mean for me to still be single with no prospects at almost 29 years of age, it must be a mistake. I mean, my only plan for as long as I can remember was to be a wife and a mom. Can’t God just follow through with His end of the deal? But God has chosen a different path for me at this time. My responsibility is to glorify and bring honor to the Lord through the life He has given me, regardless of my circumstances. A huge thing I’m learning now is this: if I’m not diligent where God has me today, what makes me think I’ll suddenly gain instant diligence if I get married?

• Find your contentment in Christ, not a man. Someone I know was married later in life after a long road of singleness. She had desired to be married her entire life and God finally answered her prayers. Two weeks after they married, her new husband was killed in a tragic accident. If this woman’s contentment was based on the fact that she had finally gotten married, she would have been shattered. God gives and He takes away. Regardless of your circumstances when your contentment rests in Christ you can say “Lord, blessed be Your name!” I think about this story a lot when I struggle with contentment. May contentment in Christ be what defines me, no matter what life does or doesn’t bring!

• Delight yourself in the Lord! One time I was told “God is just waiting for you to delight in Him, and then He’ll give you what you want.” I’ve delighted a lot in God and I’m still single, clearly this whole delighting thing isn’t working as it should. But, what I’ve learned is that when I delight in the Lord, He might not always change my circumstances but He always changes my heart. He has changed my sorrow over my singleness to joy, my grumbling and complaining to praise, my disappointment to contentment, and so much more. Delight yourself in the Lord because He is worthy, not because you want something. His plan is so much greater than anything we could ever ask or imagine.

• Thank the Lord for the gifts He has given you because of your singleness. My parents just adopted a set of siblings, something they never would have done that if I were married and having their grandkids. If this is the only reason the Lord has had me remain single, I would do it again and again, a million times over. Instead of focusing on what I’m “missing” because I’m not married, I choose to find joy in the gifts the Lord has given me because I am single. There are way too many to count.

• Use this time in your life to prepare for whatever future God has planned for you! God doesn’t waste anything. He for sure isn’t wasting your singleness—but you might be. Singleness is a time of freedom, use it to devote your time to the work of Christ and invest in the lives of others. I used to spend a lot of time thinking about marriage, my wedding, and what life would be like with someone beside me—but what a waste of time! I could have spent that time in profitable ways that honored the Lord. The area of time is such a trap—how should you spend it? Serving, loving, caring, learning—just to name a few. Instead of wishing for marriage, make the most of the time the Lord has given you today—and who knows how He will use your present circumstances to make a difference for His Kingdom.

• Invest in the lives of younger women. Stop sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself and find some girls who need a Godly older woman to pour into their lives. Invite them over to make cookies, teach them how to cook and care for a home, take them with you when you go shopping, sit and listen to them as they pour out their hearts about their current struggles, cry with them, love them, live life with them, and point them to Christ. I love the freedom I have to invite a dear sister over and sit chatting with her late into the night. This has been one of the biggest recent blessings of my singleness. It is such a privilege to be involved in the lives of people.

• Don’t shift responsibility to married people for things you should be doing too. I love to cook and I love having people in my home, but some times it’s easy to think people won’t want to come over because it’s just me—this is a lie that I can’t choose to believe! I have just as much responsibility to show hospitality as my married friends. And I have a lot more time and freedom to host people in my home. I also have just as much responsibility to share the gospel with the lost, to extend compassion to strangers, to serve in the church, and to care for the orphan and widow—and this is just the beginning of the list. God doesn’t give these instructions to married people and exempt singles from service. I’ve had to stop playing my single card as an excuse for my fear and laziness and step out in boldness to serve and love as God commands—you should too!

• Be a blessing to the people in your life. God has given us different and unique abilities that we can use to love and serve Him and others. One of the best ways I’ve found to reject the discontentment of my singleness is to seek to serve and bring joy to others. There are a lot of ways this can be done, but here are a few ideas: Make someone a meal. Offer to babysit a friend’s kids for free. Mow your neighbor’s lawn. Take flowers to an elderly lady in your church and read the Bible with her. Sign up to bake treats for an event. Send cards of encouragement. Take time to call and ask your friend what they’re learning in their time with the Lord. Be present in people’s lives and be a blessing.

My dear sister, there is so much more I could say. Let’s grab a cup of coffee sometime and continue this conversation, deal? But when we do, instead of commiserating about our singleness, let’s encourage each other to pursue Christ and trust our future to a God who delights in giving good gifts to His children.

Today that good gift is singleness.

Love from One Single Sister to Another

The post Dear Single Sister appeared first on Proverbs 31.

[soundcloud id=’307661843′ height=’false’]

Song written by:

Oratile Zeal Matlapeng. Perfromed by Oratile Zeal Matlapeng and KK Matlapeng.

Produced by:

Streetcarnivore.

Mixed and Mastered by:

Silus Beats.

The post The One by Oratile Zeal Matlapeng Ft KK Matlapeng appeared first on Proverbs 31.

As part of the singleness awareness day we’ve done a few interviews with men and women at various stages in their lives to find out how they are experiencing singleness; we hope their lives encourage you.

Singleness in your 30s

Kayt, 30 something, Maths Tutor

1. Do you enjoy being single?

Most of the time, yes. I enjoy being able to make my own decisions and being independent.

I like being able to go places and make decisions spontaneously. I like the freedom of being hospitable whenever I feel like it or finances allow.

The only times I feel a little lonely and discontent are during long holidays when I’m out of routine and may not be social and productive enough, and special times like Christmas and Easter, when I  tend to long for family members who love Jesus and can appreciate the true meaning behind such holidays.

Valentine’s Day and other people’s weddings / kitchen teas / baby showers can also be hard to handle emotionally at times, because they can lead me to covet the things that God in His wisdom hasn’t yet given me (and may never choose to). Those are the times I need to choose to trust in Him because trust doesn’t come automatically then.

But on the positive side of things, I love the fact that being single allows me to be more involved in ministries such as Youth and that I can focus a lot on work and take some of the burden off my boss’s shoulders.

2. At what age would you like (would have liked) to be married?

Twenty-six! It didn’t happen though.

3. What are your greatest challenges faced as a result of being single…and Christian?

The people in the church, whether consciously or subconsciously tend to look down on you if you are not married.  Especially if you’re an older single like me. You also get invited to less places (go figure!) if you’re not married – at least that’s been my experience. If the pastor’s family hadn’t “adopted me” I think church would be a lonelier, less inviting place, even though I have lots of friends there.

It’s a little heart-breaking when close friendships change or dissolve completely because your friend is now married and / or a parent.

It’s hard to watch people half my age get married and I always land up wondering if it’ll ever be my turn. I think that’s the biggest cross – living with that hope but not knowing if it will ever be fulfilled. It would be easier if I could know, one way or the other – but then I guess I wouldn’t have to trust God as much.

4. How has the fact that no-one has yet asked for your hand in marriage affected how you view your beauty and worth?

Four people did! I was engaged 4 times in my 20s, but none of those men were meant to be my husband. My sense of beauty and worth isn’t found in a man’s love for me, it comes from God’s love for me. Sometimes I wonder if I’d have a better chance at marriage if I was thinner, but I’m not interested in somebody who wants a stick – because I want to be a cuddly mummy if I ever am one. If it’s the Lord’s will for me to be married one day, He will provide the right man at the right time.  If it’s not His will then so be it. Either way I need to be content and as useful for the Lord’s Kingdom as I know how to be, no matter what phase of life I’m in!

5. There’s almost a “shame” stigma attached to being single – have you experienced this and how have you overcome it?

Yes, I have a bit. I’ve overcome it through prayer and learning to be content and confident in who I am now. Also by reaching out to people instead of expecting them to reach out to me, and by serving in the church. I’ve learned to live “my best life now” i.e. God has given me a limited number of years to live on this earth and I no longer want to wish them away.  Rather, I want to use the gifts God has given me to glorify Him and show His love to others.

6. How does singleness look different in your 30s than it did your 20s?

It’s more fun now. I used to hate it, now I enjoy it!  The Lord has graciously given me the most amazing job in the world and the opportunity to serve in church. Add to that a vibrant social life a loving family and a sweet housemate and I could hardly have it better!

7. If you could advise your younger self with regards to relationships – what would you say?

A discontent single becomes a discontent spouse. Find your worth in God’s love for you and don’t expect a man to fulfill your longings. Serve in the church, use the gifts God’s given you and put others first. Don’t put your hopes in an uncertain future but enjoy the life God has given you now. Use your singleness well and glorify God through it! Surround yourself with godly friends and mentors and don’t spend time only with those of your own age – a church is a family filled with younger and older siblings! Rejoice in that and make your friends’ lives richer by loving them more. Confess your sins and struggles to close friends and let them help you – the Christian life is not meant to be lived alone. Love the life you’ve been given instead of wishing for another one.

8. If you were never to marry, how would that change how you live now?

It wouldn’t.

As an ode to Valentine’s Day, we’d like to encourage you to make the most of your singleness. Know that you are not alone, and that in every season of singleness, God provides enough grace to see you through. We serve a God who delights to give good gifts to His children. A Father who will not give you a stone when you ask for bread, but a Father who always gives what is best for His children (Matt 7: 9 -11). You desire to get married? Good. But don’t miss out on the beauty of this season while pining for a future spouse. Thank the Lord this good gift and enjoy it!

The post waiting…waiting… and still waiting – Singleness in your 30s appeared first on Proverbs 31.

As part of the singleness awareness day we’ve done a few interviews with men and women at various stages in their lives to find out how they are experiencing singleness; we hope their lives encourage you.

Singleness in your 30s

Brother K, 30 something year old male from Botswana

1. Do you enjoy being single?

Yes I do! It provides me with freedom to read Christian literature, and mature in Christ without having the responsibility of a family. And it gives me an opportunity to love Christ with an undivided heart.

2. At what age would you like (would have liked) to be married?

I have grown up with a single-hood mentality and I have never regretted this path which my friends and I call “the path of thorns and thistles”.  I have never viewed it as something that I should jump from to something much better and glorious. However, I would like to get married a few years from now.

3. What are your greatest challenges faced as a result of being single…and Christian?

I have been seen as a “special need category person” based on my status. That is to say, because I’m single, I need extra attention, on the grounds that I might fall into sin. I think this is based on a false hypothesis, which argues that most of the people who fall into sin are singles in church, even though research shows that most of the people who fall into scandalous sin in ministry are married people.

The second challenge is that most people believe that singles are lonely. Since people have this kind of thought, they tend to think that I need a kind of “puppy love”.

The third challenge is the view that I’m not sanctified since I’m not married. This view is based on a false assumption which states that marriage is the best instrument of sanctification. I, however, argue that this view is based on a false premise; God uses different means to sanctify His people.

4. Has the fact that you are still single affected how your view your ‘beauty’ and worth?

Not at all, but singleness has helped me not to view myself through the lens of other people’s perspective. It has aided me to see myself as a unique creature created in God’s image. And that my worth does not rest on the affirmation of a companion but on Christ’s finished work on the cross of Calvary. This has grounded me and helped me avert an identity crisis, which I assume that people who are married can struggle with, because their worth sometimes rests on the affirmation of a spouse.

5. How does singleness look different in your 30s than it did your 20s?

 I would say that while singleness is the same whether one is in their 20s or 30s, the dynamics which come with each age group are different. Singleness in your 20s is not a big deal because you assume that you still have time. Singleness in in your 30s, however, has some social pressures which push you to look for a spouse. This is based on the fact that you think time is running out! Sadly,  this thinking can also lead you to make some wrong choices.

6. If you were to never marry, how would that change how you live now?

I think it would not change the way I live now.  But, I would intensify my service for God more, read more and write more.

7. There’s almost a ‘shame’ stigma attached to being single – have you experienced this and how have you overcome it?

One of the “shame stigmas” which I experience as a single man is that whenever I talk to a member of the opposite gender, there is an assumption that I’m pursuing them. I’m seen as being on a “ladies hunting trip”. It is difficult to deal with this issue since it is imposed by people on me.

Secondly, when I meet believers, their first concern is not for my spiritual well-being, but for my single status. Therefore, there is a social stigma, which is associated with singleness not only in the society, but also in the church. I have tried to inform my friends that my greatest need in my life is not my marriage status, but a spiritual rightness with Christ. Ask me about my walk with Christ and how I flesh out that relationship in the everyday nuances of my life.

8. If you could advise your younger self with regards to relationships – what would you say?

 The first thing I would talk to young Brother K about is the importance of guarding his heart. This is to say that he should not give the wrong impression to members of the opposite gender if he has no desire to marry them. If you don’t have a picture of her being your wife, it is not right for you to keep on interacting with her.

As an ode to Valentine’s Day, we’d like to encourage you to make the most of your singleness. Know that you are not alone, and that in every season of singleness, God provides enough grace to see you through. We serve a God who delights to give good gifts to His children. A Father who will not give you a stone when you ask for bread, but a Father who always gives what is best for His children (Matt 7: 9 -11). You desire to get married? Good. But don’t miss out on the beauty of this season while pining for a future spouse. Thank the Lord this good gift and enjoy it!

The post Christian Men Are Single Too appeared first on Proverbs 31.

As part of the singleness awareness day we will be doing a series of candid interviews with several men and women at various stages in their lives to find out how they are experiencing singleness; we hope their lives encourage you.

Singleness in your 20’s:

Tsholo, 27, female living in Jhb North.

1. Do you enjoy being single?
About three weeks in a month I really do enjoy being single! I enjoy the “freedom” that comes with it, not having to
report where I’m going or why. I enjoy spending my money as I see fit without having to consult someone about it. However, I don’t enjoy the lack of male attention! Sometimes I just don’t want my girlfriends’ attention, I want a guy’s attention; specifically a male human being who breaths. Oh and I don’t enjoy always being the “candle” cause I’m the single one in the group!
2. What are the greatest challenges faced as a result of being single…and Christian?
Not having someone to share this journey of faith with. Not having someone to serve with. And PURITY! The purity battle is real out here!
3. If you were to never marry, how would that change how you live now?
I would think less about marriage and focus more on how to make Christ known, how to serve better, how to live out a more godly life for the glory of God. Just how to get the gospel everywhere!
4. How has the fact that no-one has yet asked for your hand in marriage affected how your view your beauty and worth?
The issue is not really about people not asking, but specifically that a godly guy with a sensible goal in life hasn’t asked. It doesn’t affect the way I think about my beauty but it does make me question whether I am not godly enough to be pursued by a godly guy.
5. There’s almost a ‘shame’ stigma attached to being single – have you experienced this and how have you overcome it?

Yes, definitely! It’s as if I’m the one doing something wrong. Maybe I’m not praying enough, making myself look good enough? Those are the thoughts that come with the question – “why are you still single?”

As a wise friend always says, all in God’s timing. To deal with these thoughts, I keep reminding myself that God is sovereign. God NEVER promised me a spouse, but His word keeps saying over and over that He is the giver of all good things. He does all things for the good of those He loves. That’s a definite comfort for me because I know He thinks this is best for me now in His will for me to be perfected. That makes me happy.

Also, I thank the Lord for godly friends who remind me of these truths when I seem to have forgotten. He is our Father and He loves us, He loved His son but He ‘forsook’ Him for our sake, what’s a little pain here and there when we have such a great hope?

6. If you could advise your younger self with regards to relationships – what would you say?
Be PATIENT girl, it ain’t all about you! You still have a goal – to know Him and to make Him known!

A s an ode to Valentine’s Day, we’d like to encourage you to make the most of your singleness. Know that you are not alone, and that in every season of singleness, God provides enough grace to see you through. We serve a God who delights to give good gifts to His children. A Father who will not give you a stone when you ask for bread, but a Father who always gives what is best for His children (Matt 7: 9 -11). You desire to get married? Good. But don’t miss out on the beauty of this season while pining for a future spouse. Thank the Lord this good gift and enjoy it!

The post Valentines Is For Single People Too appeared first on Proverbs 31.