Malamulo  R.T  Chindongo  brings  to  this  book,  16 years  of  ministry  experience to  college  students and  young  professionals  in  parts  of  Southern Africa  and  the  USA.  Rethinking  Relationships  seeks to  provide  men  and  women  with  a  tool  and  guide in  their  preparation  for  life,  courtship,  marriage and  family. Malamulo is currently serving as one of the elders at Antioch Baptist Church, in Blantyre, Malawi.

About the Book

Why another book on dating & courtship? Dating, courtship, and marriage largely remain areas with more questions than answers for many people. Navigating through these waters has never been easy for any generation. In Rethinking Guy/Girl Relationships, you will find answers to commonly asked questions concerning dating, courtship, and marriage.

Can this book be used for self study? Rethinking Guy/Girl Relationships is not just a book for personal enjoyment or for curious readers, but a biblical guide for those who are serious about developing healthy relationships with marriage in view. The book follows a simple format for easy reading. All the chapter titles are specific questions people ask concerning singleness, dating, courtship, and marriage.

What makes this book important for African readers? Most books on courtship today are written by western authors, and in most cases they overlook addressing issues faced by African men and women. In Rethinking Relationships, the author biblically addresses cultural issues unique to men and women in Africa. As the moral compass of our culture continues to nosedive, new ideas are being suggested to many young men and women on how to go about finding a partner. The entertainment industry has taken the lead with most of its concepts of love, romance, and marriage becoming the cause of most failed marriages.

What can readers expect to learn about the Bible from this book? The Bible provides timeless and working solutions to our problems. God made the marriage relationship, and He has the manual on how to cultivate a glorifying, God-honoring marriage.

Are other topics addressed in the book besides dating & courtship? This is more than a book about dating and courtship. The author seeks to help readers deepen their understanding of biblical manhood and womanhood, and how all these subjects find their meaning in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Who This Book is For:

Single Men & Women & those in a Relationship

Rethinking Relationships is for both single men and women. Those who will get married someday. A lack of preparation is the cause of most relationship and marriage problems.

Engaged & Married Couples

If you are engaged or have  just got  married,  you will  find  this book helpful as you  reflect on things you could have done better, and as you consider the more advanced chapters in  the book together with your partner.

Pastors, Youth Pastors & Bible Study Leaders

If you are someone who is leading a bible study or counseling young couples, you will find this book to be a very helpful tool for guiding others through these difficult waters.

How to Get A Copy of this Book

South African residents can have access to the book by placing an order here: info@28distrcts.org or contacting  0827538517 on WhatsApp. This book is also available on AMAZON

The post 13 Hard Dating & Courtship Questions Answered: Rethinking Guy/Girl Relationships Book Spotlight appeared first on Proverbs 31.

These conversations are one way of forcing us to renew our minds – to search Scripture for Biblical principles to inform our thinking. Our natural default when entering the often murky waters of these conversations is that we are convinced we have the right answers and it only becomes about convincing each other about each other’s convictions.

As Rap artist, Propaganda, eloquently explains, ‘This means we are moving from seeking justice to just being right and then you centre yourself as the definition of what is justice.’ Our viewpoint becomes the plumb line for truth. I just need to persuade you that you are wrong or misinformed or foolish. We are not really interested in truth, we are interested in my right and your wrong.

You see, if we believe we are right, then that presupposes that the other viewpoint is wrong. So we start off from pride, from a high horse. Our self-righteous selves condescend to listen but not to understand. We prefer intellectual intimidation instead of engagement. I am not sure you could find a clearer explanation of arrogance.

A colourful conversation that has gate-crashed our comfortable party recently has been that of interracial relationships and marriages. Like I said before, this conversation was not necessarily invited, but has been very welcome. It is good when our worldviews are challenged and questioned.

This idea of interracial relationships has raised its head timeously. It has opened a can of worms. As we relate with this issue, it exposes previous prejudices and default positions and when the light of principle shines into the dark corners of our hearts on this issue, we start to squirm. We cannot just push the lid back down.

The interesting and enlightening thing for me on this issue is that the parties I have engaged with have been multi-racial and the general sentiment, from whichever side of the colour line, is the following: ‘I am not against interracial relationships or marriages, but…’

Have you noticed that when the cautious ‘but…’ rears its ugly head, pragmatism and comfort are the motivators for practice instead of principle?

From this platform then, we seem to be able to rationalise and justify any position. We are clever like that. And if you are good with words, then we might as well just go home with our defeated tails between our legs and a resolve to not mess with you again.

Now to be fair, we have personally been forced to consider this issue over the past 9 years when our daughter became part of our family at the age of 7. Hers was an interracial adoption. A ½ Indian, ½ Coloured little girl now has White people as her birth parents on her birth certificate. So we would have been very naïve to think this is an issue we could ignore. This issue (if it is an issue) is going to affect our family, no matter whom she marries. Her cultural identity may be white but her skin colour is not. Where does she fit in this discussion?

We can make the topic of interracial relationships very complex and complicated. We can say it is nuanced. But as John Piper would argue, it is not complex at all. It is all really quite simple. But only if we start from the humble perspective of taking Scripture as our authority and submitting to Biblical principle. Truth is so liberating.

John Piper, in his article titled, ‘Racial Harmony and Interracial Marriage,’ operates from the  premise that interracial marriage is not only permitted by God, but honours God, displays the Gospel for which Christ died and is good and positive.

I strongly recommend you read his article on www.desiringgod.com

He basically outlines 4 main points which he elaborates on:

1. All races have one ancestor in the image of God and all humans are God’s image.
2. The Bible forbids intermarriage between unbeliever and believer, but not between races.
3. In Christ our oneness is profound and transforms social differences from barriers to blessings.
4. Criticizing one interracial marriage (that of Moses to the Cushite woman) was severely disciplined by God.

So what are the implications of really engaging on this issue?

I will use John Piper’s words, ‘Opposition to interracial marriage is one of the deepest roots of racial distance, disrespect and hostility.’

That is a sobering statement and causes us to stop in our tracks.

You see, what comes after the ‘but…?’

The following qualifications (and they can often sound so spiritual);

• Marriage is already difficult, why would you want to start by making it harder if the couple is from different cultures or races?
• You must consider the children, you are going to make life harder for them.
• Your children might not look like either of you (in the case of interracial not cross-cultural marriages)
• It will cause complications and perhaps ‘shunning’ from the extended families etc.

All plausible and fine sounding arguments, but only from a worldly perspective. My further objection to this is that we often don’t tend to call things as they really are. We are pros at inconsistency. And as you strip away at the logic, basically the argument is against relationships of DIFFERENT SKIN COLOURS.

We do not caution a white American girl from marrying a white South African guy. Two completely different cultures. We do not caution a black Zimbabwean from marrying a black Malawian. Two completely different cultures and even two completely different home languages. But you see, their skin colour is the same! We will caution the black Zambian guy from marrying a white South African girl. We will caution the white South African Afrikaans girl from marrying a black South African Zulu guy. But they are both South African! And yet, we would probably have no issue if that same white South African girl wanted to marry a white British guy. Our arguments and logic are exposed and flawed. These are deep rooted heart issues which we need to confront and humbly confess.

Once again, John Piper’s words cannot be improved upon:

‘Here is where Christ makes the difference. Christ does not call us to a prudent life, but to a God-centred, Christ-exalting, justice-advancing, counter-cultural, risk-taking life of love and courage. Will it be harder to be married to another race and will it be harder for the kids? Maybe. Maybe not. But since when is that the way a Christian thinks? Life is hard. And the more you love, the harder it gets…Christians are people who move toward need and truth and justice, not toward comfort and security. Life is hard. But God is good. And Christ is strong to help’

Those are beautiful words. Those are words of comfort and truth.

So let me take this to a logical conclusion. If, in the Church, we believe it is wise to discourage interracial marriages, then why do we not discourage transracial adoptions? If the basis of our argument is that it is hard, then surely the logic is obvious?

Let me end with another beautiful and shining example of an interracial and cross cultural marriage in the Bible. It is that of Ruth and Boaz. Ruth, the Moabite, a pagan culture cursed by God and the Jews. Ruth, the Moabite, who would have had a darker skin colour to Boaz. Ruth, the Moabite, whose home language and customs would have been foreign to Boaz. And yet Ruth, the Moabite, who loved Naomi’s God and married Boaz. Their son, Obed was the father of Jesse who was the father of David and Jesus came from that line. What a beautiful romance, part of God’s perfect and sovereign plan.

This does not mean you have to pursue an interracial marriage, but for me, it does mean we are going beyond the bounds of Scripture if we discourage such a relationship in the Church.

As I said in the beginning, these conversations are hard. They are uncomfortable. But when we move out of our comfort zones and put aside our spiritually camouflaged pre-conceived ideas, meaningful and deep relationships start to develop in the Church. We paint a picture of the Gospel. Our minds are renewed and our hearts transformed. Surely this is good for us, for the world and for the glory of God?

By Leanne Johnson

The post Interracial relationships appeared first on Proverbs 31.

Pondering of this and seeing this lived out in my wife, delights my heart. Beholding my wife given striving to grow in this area of grace is fulfilling. Her godly character is a constant reminder and a reflection of what an excellent wife looks like.

Three implied principles are reflective of her as gleaned from Prov. 31 v 11:

My wife is devoted to loving God and His word. And I daily learn from her. Her loving devotion toward our daughter and to me, is matchless. Her devoting of time, strength, wifely duties and all other crucible intricacies toward me, the man of clay in whom nothing good resides, cannot go unnoticed.  Her devotion to care for and cherish our relationship, her willingness to accept me for who I am –and not for what I am and have–, is worth noting. I trust her because she is an open book for all to see and know precisely the divine dealing of God with her. She is so transparent that when she is down cast or even rejoicing, she remains a woman ever yielding to God’s divine providence, a woman willing to be helped and guided where possible. She, in this way, makes my duty as a husband to love, lead and guide her, quite rewarding.

This describes my wife’s unfeigned love toward me.  Albert Martin’s lectures, “Love”, define love as “…that gracious and principled disposition of good will, which desires and practically seeks the good of its object even at its personal cost” (Pastoral Theology, cultivating love for men part 1) – I Corinthians. 13v4 – 8b. It is in this definition that I see an affirmative reality definitive of my wife.

Regarding her unhampered sacrifice and selflessness: my wife left the earthly comforts of the USA, willingly leaving in response to the Lord’s call to missions. She has settled in the most contrasting conditions as compared to her place of birth and upbringing. Her sacrifice and selflessness is praiseworthy. My heart trusts her in all things for she seeks scripture to govern her, against all odds.

When I look at my wife, I see an exemplified reality of I Cor. 13v4 – 8a, Eph. 5v22 & v24 & v33b-, I Pet 3v1 – 6. And I foresee the fruitful principle of a mature woman reflective of Titus 2v3 – 5. Already she emits so well much growth in grace and knowledge of Christ. And not only will she be exemplary to the younger women who will in turn praise her, but our children and I  –her husband–, will praise her, for she will be a mother of the faithful.

She is priceless and valued beyond costly jewels. I am daily indebted to God for His gracious gift of giving her to me.

“The Selfish and ungodly persons everywhere enter into all kinds of relationships with a desire of serving their own selves, and gratifying their own flesh without knowing or caring what is required of them. Their desire is for the honor, profit, or pleasure their relationship will provide them but not for what God and man requires or expects from them. [Gen 2:18, Prov. 18:22] Their mind is concerned only with what they shall have and not for what they shall be and do.” Richard Baxter.

Sydney B. Kombe

Richard Baxter, The Mutual duties of husbands and wives towards each other, 1615-1691, http://www.puritansermons.com/

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