christian living Archives - Proverbs 31

Foster Mama, I See You

Allison Van Der Walt — Tue, 17 Oct 2017 08:07:26 +0000

In honour of the brave, maternal, life-giving souls everywhere. But especially in honour of my mom and sisters who say goodbye to their precious baby boy today.
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Foster Mama, I See You

Yes, you.

You, with the sweet baby boy who is yours for now but will never be yours for good.

You, with the heart oozing out fierce love and protective instincts for this precious little human.

You, with your camera roll full of evidence of just how cute and smart and funny He is.

You, with the pride showing on your face because He is definitely the smartest baby in the whole world.

You, with the tired eyes and sleep-deprived brain and weary body because caring for a baby on the verge of toddler-hood is hard.

You, with the mind full of questions and decisions and doubts because, like all mamas, you feel like you don’t know what you’re doing.

You, with the heart moving to the rhythm of loving Him with abandon but with the next beat remembering that He will leave you.

You, with the frustratingly undignified, unrecognised, undefined title of foster mother, when you instinctively feel all the emotions and fulfil all the roles of mother. Period.

You, the bravest, most selfless woman I know.

Because this little boy’s mama-shaped space? It would have been empty.

He would have spent all this time with an empty mama-space. But you filled it. And for that you will pay a heavy cost. You exchanged his emptiness for yours.

Because now…now that He transitions from your arms to Hers, that little boy-shaped space in your heart will be emptied.

And you knew this would happen. You stepped onto this heroic, scary, unknown journey already facing the inevitable. That you would lose Him. And that it would hurt.

And you did it anyway.

And isn’t that what any good mama does? Takes the pain, shoulders the brunt, carries the burden, empties herself and fills the spaces for her little people?

And isn’t that what you’ve done?

You, my dear, are a mama in the purest sense of the word. You have taken this beautiful, fierce, powerful maternal force and lavished it on a child, embracing Him as your own.

You are a woman in the truest sense of the word. You have bridged the gap, linking arms with two other sisters, birth mama and forever mama, proclaiming, “I will uphold you both. I will do what you cannot yet do.”

Your motherhood, beautiful, soul, is the kind of motherhood that changes the world.

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My parents and sisters’ home has been a place of safety for the past 5 years, and they have loved on and launched twelve the children into the arms of their forever families. This piece was written late one night, as I grieved with them over the difficult goodbyes they were saying to “their” little boy, whom they had loved for over a year.

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Healing…Adoption…Completion

Proverbs 31 — Sun, 01 Oct 2017 18:25:19 +0000

“God places the lonely in families..” Psalm 68:5-6

My journey into motherhood, like so many of my journeys, started with Jesus. Jesus gently leading me to acknowledge the loss of never going to be able to have biological children. Jesus leading me to mourn, to cry, to surrender and to allow Him to heal me. This was hard, but when it was done I was free, free to move on, free to adopt.

Sadly the process of adopting a child in South Africa is marred with tons of red tape, over-worked social workers, a fair amount of prejudice and even what
one would call bureaucratic sabotage. Potential adoptive parents are often left feeling discouraged, powerless and unsupported, especially when trying to finalize the legal aspects of adopting a child.
When we adopted our daughter, who is turning 11 this month, the process was long, laborious and invasive, but I still consider us as one of the lucky ones, in that our adoption didn’t drag on for years and was not hindered by bureaucracy
and grave incompetence. It was however filled with many hours of probing questions, a long list of paper work we had to get done and an extensive waiting period.

We worked with a well known Johannesburg Adoption Agency and after 7 long
months our application was finally submitted and the waiting period started. I
found this period especially tough! We had no feedback from the agency and I
often felt very alone during this time. It takes a fair amount of faith to wait for an
unknown baby. To choose a name for this unknown baby. Prepare a room for
her. To pray for her. An unknown baby from a stranger who we would never
know, but to whom we would be forever connected. There are so many
unknowns when adopting, so many “ifs”, so many questions, doubts and fears.
An overwhelming degree of the adoption process is out of your control, you
really just have to let go and trust God.

The adoption process is emotionally draining. I will never forget the day that our session with our social worker consisted of the following questions: ‘Would you be open to adopting a child with physical disabilities? Would you consider
a baby who’s birth mom was raped? The baby of a drug addict? How about adopting a baby who has a history of mental illness in her family?” One answers these questions prayerfully and with a great deal of sadness and a weighty sense of responsibility.

One Friday morning we got, what is known in adoption circles as “The Call”! We had been matched with a baby. The wait was finally over. Now I finally knew that our little girl was nearly 7 months old and we could finalize the shopping list
and announce the long expected and wonderful news! It is a mad rush to get everything ready, a wonderfully sweet rush! The following week, we flew to Durban to meet our precious little one. As she was placed in my arms the long wait became a distant memory. It was done. Our daughter. At last! The next morning we made a quick court visit and then we brought our prefect little girl home….forever. The wonder of adoption is truly that this little person I have never met before is instantly connected to me. A connection planned and executed by my Heavenly Father. It is really difficult to put into words, but it is as if your heart just opens and receives this precious gift, no questions asked. I accepted and embraced her as my daughter 100%.
Having said that, bonding with your adopted baby does take time. When your baby comes home all is new and the journey from ‘strangers’ to mom-and-baby that unfolds is beautiful and in many ways sacred to me. All relationships take work and attachments take time to form. When we adopted our third baby, my then 5 year old son asked me: ”Mommy how will the baby know you are his mommy?”. I loved the honesty of his question. I told him the the baby would learn to know that I am his mommy as I care for and loved him[eltdf_blockquote text=”The gift of Adoption has taught me that when My Father says we are His children, it means that we are instantly and completely and forever accepted as His. It has taught me to trust God deeply and fully. ” title_tag=”h2″ width=””]. I have learned that when I surrender and allow Jesus in, He becomes intimately involved in the details of my life. I have learnt to ‘go with God’ no matter what, no matter where He leads me. And, whether it makes sense to me or not, I have learnt to trust that He knows best, even and especially when it hurts.

I am now, mother to my four beautiful children and I still stand amazed at how God has worked out the details. How He took 4 motherless children and a childless couple and put us together ….in a family, perfectly matched in Him, forever.

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I Parted With My Fro

Lebo Chindongo — Wed, 06 Jan 2016 06:29:49 +0000

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][eltdf_dropcaps type=”normal” color=”” background_color=””]A[/eltdf_dropcaps]fter months of going back and forth on what to do with my hair, in September 2014 I made a decision, I had had it with my unhealthy relaxed hair.

My poor husband was so forbearing and patiently entertained me as I showed him countless pictures of potential hairstyles and toyed with the idea of shaving it all off. Finally, I made up my mind – I was going to go bald. I even coerced hubby to cut it himself (bonding exercise) so he wouldn’t fall off his chair one day when I returned home –ahem…hairless.

So we did the big chop. It was liberating, “I have never felt so beautiful in my life!” was often what I exclaimed to anyone that enquired as to why I had the new look. Also, getting a great number of likes on Instagram with my new look was confirmation that this was the best hair decision yet. Sweet as that was, the cherry on top was that hubby absolutely loved it. I then started the al-naturale route and decided to never relax my hair, well…at least for a while. There’s just something about having natural hair vibes that makes you feel very African!

However, that beautiful season came to an end because today, I lost my Africanness. After another spell of going to and fro (no pun intended) about the next hairstyle, I decided to relax my year-old Afro. My hairdresser did an excellent job and it was so great to be able to run my fingers through my hair again.

Then I had a solemn moment, and in my sadness felt as though my Africaness was no more. Just after I said this, it finally dawned on me, my “identity” as an African was in my hair. This got me thinking about my true and only identity, the one I have in Christ my savior. I realized how we can so easily make our identity in Christ more about the external than our regenerated hearts. We feel like we are more Christian because we are so busy doing stuff and looking the part. Then all of a sudden when we cannot do one thing or another we feel like we are no longer Christian.

[/vc_column_text][eltdf_separator position=”center” top_margin=”27″ bottom_margin=”0″][eltdf_blockquote text=”Countless things are crying out to steal our true identity, I can so easily get my identity from being a wife, a stay at home mom, a homeschooler or a sister.” show_icon=”yes”][eltdf_separator position=”center” top_margin=”30″ bottom_margin=”0″][vc_column_text]

This true identity is so deep rooted that no amount of “not being” or “not doing” can uproot it. Also when we begin to go down this path, we start to judge and condemn others who do not outwardly conform to what we have established as the standard or the true definition of XYZ. Countless things are crying out to steal our true identity, I can so easily get my identity from being a wife, a stay at home mom, a homeschooler or a sister. This leads to an identity crisis and steals from the joy of my true identity flowing into these above-mentioned things. Imagine the transformation of my marriage when I don’t find my identity in it? I will not find myself in a rut of performance making it seem as though I have it altogether. I will be freed from the pressure of the watching eye to keep up my ‘perfections’. What a joy to know I can rest in the all-sufficient grace of the Lord even for when I fail as a wife and continue to depend on Him in my striving to be a wife that brings Him glory. It’s no longer about me, It’s all about Him!

That’s liberation!

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