Because we submit ourselves to this unattainable standard, women have become enslaved to destructive habits such as skin bleaching, plastic surgery and lip dyeing. And other insidious habits such as dieting and contour make-up to make our features look more European and thus more acceptable.

Full figure and discontent

I am a full figure, dark skinned woman with kinky 4c hair but I have spent my entire adult life trying to attain this impossible standard of beauty mainly through starving myself (what others call dieting). I was teased about my body as a teenager and in an effort to conform I starved myself, so I could stay thin. And that worked for most of my adult life until I had children. In the last 3 years I have gained 3 dress sizes and I have struggled with discontentment. I look in the mirror and I hate the woman I see because she doesn’t measure up to the standard that I have come to believe is the measure of beauty. I feel ugly and my confidence and joy shrivel under the gaze of this full figure African woman.

How is it that as a Christian woman, I have derived my sense of worth from the size of my jeans and allowed my joy to be held captive by a number on a scale? Why do I turn to dieting and exercise for joy instead of Christ? Why is it easier to starve myself instead of praying and asking God to renew my heart and mind and give me contentment?

The simple answer is idolatry. I yearn for man’s approval more than God’s.

Beauty is God’s idea

”The world could possibly exist without the variegated colors that are painted on it, but God meant that this should be a beautiful world; that it should appear well; that there should be something more than mere utility.²” And so when we get up in the morning and wear a pretty outfit, do our hair and wear make-up to look beautiful we are responding to a desire that has been imprinted on us by our Maker. God created his universe full of various expressions of beauty – you and I are evidence of that. But when we corrupt that desire we are guilty of idolatry.

A higher standard of beauty

As I seek to reboot my thinking about beauty I am learning that there is a higher standard of beauty. I want to be that 1Peter 3 woman whose beauty does not come from outward adornment but comes from the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. I want to put a period, not a comma in front of Psalm 139:14 when it says I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

And I will have to teach my daughters too how to ward off the lies that the world tells us about our identity, and teach them to treasure God’s voice, over Hollywood’s. It is not enough for them to know that they are beautiful by design, because beauty is fleeting. The voice of popular culture is transient, but Gods eternal voice lasts forever. But before I can teach them I must first believe these truths.

Notes

¹ https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/beauty

² Quote taken from Barnes commentary on 1 Peter 3:4

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As I’m growing in my faith, one finds themselves seeking external benefits at first and then one realises how those do not satisfy, instead they can lead to seeking more earthly goods and losing one’s soul in the process. I’m reminded of 2 Timothy 3:2 “For men shall be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, haughty, railers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy” (ESV). This scripture is characteristic to some of the Christians I know. I’ve also been there and sometimes I find myself still there, only because I don’t acknowledge my internal need.

Our daily struggles can be well hidden, especially when one is single and living by themselves. However, they eventually come up to the surface sooner or later… In my case it was quite a slow journey before I realised what my daily struggle was.

By nature, we are all covetous – we want what others have. This is nurtured by society, especially when you meet other women who are always asking each other where they bought their dresses, shoes, or who did their hair? These moments are fluffy but they cement the need to be covetous. Even though one may not want what others have, but the desire is to be on the same level – at any cost.

Being raised by a single mother, I was told I could be anything I wanted, of course this was further enforced by my school teachers and as a teenager I actually started believing in “this theory”. I was independent from an early age and worked hard in order to succeed. I wanted to be part of the top 5 in high school and I did, my mom was proud but still set higher standards. In my last year of varsity I wanted to be the best in my class and that goal was achieved.

There was nothing wrong with being excellent with my school work but in hindsight trying to be the best messed with me. It made me proud, I didn’t learn humility, instead I learned how to be rude, unkind and critical of everyone around. I learned to see the wrong they do…but never my own. I never learned how to truly love, how to build, how to be patient, how to wait, how to trust, how to serve others…how to be content with the portion the Lord has given me. I wanted more for my own glory and the traits Timothy speaks of above were very evident in my life.

[eltdf_blockquote text=”This deep-rooted sin started off as a harmless seed which has now grown and was infiltrating my marriage, my church and work life. Wanting a life of ease with no complications or inconveniences is what everyone longs for, but a Christian life is full of trials that James says we should “count it all joy and endure”.” title_tag=”h2″ width=””]

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” (James 1:2-4 ESV).

I will be made complete in trials! This for me is a reassuring hope. I’m also thankful for David’s 73^rd psalm as it has shown me how to delight in God even with the mess going around me. That Psalm has taught me to trust, submit, listen, be slow to speak, to be satisfied and still before God, no matter the cost. This, I confess doesn’t come naturally to me. This is a daily struggle and my prayer request. Pray that I may not be covetous and want a life of ease, but be content with where God has placed me in order that I may be perfect, complete and lacking nothing.

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