The last two decades under Mugabe’s rule can be described in one word: despair.  I have seen friends and family languishing in hospitals dying from diseases that have a cure. Others have died crossing borders while others have been killed in foreign countries- murdered ruthlessly by people who did not want them in their lands. Everywhere we have gone we have been ridiculed and abused – treated like the scum of the earth. All over the world we were held in derision, our human dignity debased, just like the land of our birth.

Personally, I have been an economic refugee for all of my adult life. I have lived in 4 countries since I left Zimbabwe at age 17 in search of a better life. I also grew up without my mother because she had to work abroad to keep our family afloat . I miss my home. I miss eating mulberries, mangoes and corn that grew so abundantly. I miss my friends who are now scattered all over the world, some of whom I’ll probably never see again. From the time I left Zim I have had to reconstruct my life four times over – sometimes living in a country where I knew absolutely no one. I have had to be content with seeing family every few years and maintaining relationships via skype and whatsapp. It’s been a hard life but I know I am one of the lucky ones. Others have suffered far worse.

So why did I wake up despairing today? Because I got caught up in the euphoria and chose to overlook the  credentials of the men who are delivering this freedom to us. These men have stood by Mugabe all these years and are part of the same corrupt system that has kept Mugabe in power. These men we hail as our deliverers today, have been our oppressors for the last 37 years. And so today, on the morning after the fall of Mugabe, I woke up a little sober minded and I momentarily lost hope for our beautiful country. But God in his kindness gave me comfort from his word.

Psalm 146v3-8

Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save. When their spirit departs, they return to the ground; on that very day their plans come to nothing. Blessed are those whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord their God. He is the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them— he remains faithful forever. He upholds the cause of the oppressed and gives food to the hungry.

We despair when we place our hope in anything other than God. I had put my hope in man rather than God. Emmerson Mnangagwa and General Chiwenga are not the deliverers of Zimbabwe. God is. They did not dethrone Mugabe. God did.  For God is the one who “brings princes to naught and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing.” (Isa 40v23) And God does this because all “authority comes from God, and those in positions of authority have been placed there by God.” (Rom 13:1)

So tonight I go to sleep in peace. God, the sovereign ruler of all the world is in control. He’s got this. I do not know where Zimbabwe will go from here, whether we will live in a free and prosperous country again, but I know that God’s got a handle on it. Whether in poverty or plenty, God has a plan. I have lost so much in my life but I know that this life is only temporary. We have a hope that is certain, and that hope will not disappoint us, the hope of eternity spent with Christ. Men will disappoint us but God is forever faithful. We will live as freed men one day and enjoy without fear or regret the beautiful bounty of God’s creation. Until then, I will put my hope in God as I continue to pray for my beloved Zimbabwe

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The stories are heartbreaking to say the least, but what I found significant was the reality of sin and the shame it brings. The hashtag in and of itself highlights that. When we respond to someone by saying ‘me too’, usually it’s because one person was brave enough to say something, then others felt brave enough to share their experiences as well.

If you’re changing in your room and an unexpected guest bursts into your room unexpectedly, your response is to cover yourself because you feel exposed. This is as a result of the fall because prior to that “…the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed” – Genesis 2:25. After the fall they were ashamed, their eyes were now opened and they knew that they were naked, even hiding themselves from the holy God they never used to hide from, because now they knew good and evil (3:22).

[eltdf_blockquote text=”Sexual violation is sin and it wrongfully brings shame to you because it places you in an act of sin involuntarily. ” title_tag=”h2″ width=””]For the longest time I kept “our” secret, because that word made me a willing participant in the act. I didn’t want anybody to find out about it because then I’d be exposed for the forward and bad child I thought I was. Despite the tears, pleadings to stop and the fruitless fight I put up with him, when he said “our” secret, it meant him and I, therefore, I was at fault and it kept me trapped.

The issue was the shame I was feeling was unfounded, and so are many of those that said #MeToo. When it came out, I kept having to be told that I was raped, but I didn’t feel I deserved to be in that category, that was for other people, you know those that are taken by a stranger at gunpoint or something, this was someone I knew and trusted and it just seemed too harsh a label for him to be called a rapist. So on top of that I also felt guilty for ousting him.

Oftentimes I’d feel numb to things, I struggled with getting emotionally attached to people and I’d try to avoid conflicts and things that have too many emotions, I just didn’t like feeling. Most times I’d be okay with that approach but every time the question of virginity came up, as is common in church circles, I’d be stuck, I just didn’t know whether I was pure or not.

That was a major challenge for me – purity. But as I grow in Christ and in knowledge of the truth, I’m learning to replace what is not true with the truth of God’s word. I may not physically be a virgin, but by God’s grace I am saved, I am purified from all unrighteousness. I may not feel like making close friends, but the Lord did not create me to be an island Christian. I may be tempted to wallow in my feelings and follow my heart, but the truth is that my heart is deceitful and I cannot trust it.

[eltdf_blockquote text=”I’ve found and continue to find true freedom in the fear of the Lord.” title_tag=”h2″ width=””] I’m far from perfecting this, but the Lord has been gracious in allowing me to be a part of a solid bible teaching church, bringing older wiser women that have been so essential in pointing me in the way I should go and dear godly friends that constantly challenge me in my fear of the Lord. So from one sister to another, though it’s tempting to follow our feelings, it’s life-giving to completely trust the Lord, so let’s find comfort in renewing our minds daily with the TRUTH of God’s word.

 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” – Phil 4:8

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