As part of the singleness awareness day we’ve done a few interviews with men and women at various stages in their lives to find out how they are experiencing singleness; we hope their lives encourage you.

Singleness in your 30s

Kayt, 30 something, Maths Tutor

1. Do you enjoy being single?

Most of the time, yes. I enjoy being able to make my own decisions and being independent.

I like being able to go places and make decisions spontaneously. I like the freedom of being hospitable whenever I feel like it or finances allow.

The only times I feel a little lonely and discontent are during long holidays when I’m out of routine and may not be social and productive enough, and special times like Christmas and Easter, when I  tend to long for family members who love Jesus and can appreciate the true meaning behind such holidays.

Valentine’s Day and other people’s weddings / kitchen teas / baby showers can also be hard to handle emotionally at times, because they can lead me to covet the things that God in His wisdom hasn’t yet given me (and may never choose to). Those are the times I need to choose to trust in Him because trust doesn’t come automatically then.

But on the positive side of things, I love the fact that being single allows me to be more involved in ministries such as Youth and that I can focus a lot on work and take some of the burden off my boss’s shoulders.

2. At what age would you like (would have liked) to be married?

Twenty-six! It didn’t happen though.

3. What are your greatest challenges faced as a result of being single…and Christian?

The people in the church, whether consciously or subconsciously tend to look down on you if you are not married.  Especially if you’re an older single like me. You also get invited to less places (go figure!) if you’re not married – at least that’s been my experience. If the pastor’s family hadn’t “adopted me” I think church would be a lonelier, less inviting place, even though I have lots of friends there.

It’s a little heart-breaking when close friendships change or dissolve completely because your friend is now married and / or a parent.

It’s hard to watch people half my age get married and I always land up wondering if it’ll ever be my turn. I think that’s the biggest cross – living with that hope but not knowing if it will ever be fulfilled. It would be easier if I could know, one way or the other – but then I guess I wouldn’t have to trust God as much.

4. How has the fact that no-one has yet asked for your hand in marriage affected how you view your beauty and worth?

Four people did! I was engaged 4 times in my 20s, but none of those men were meant to be my husband. My sense of beauty and worth isn’t found in a man’s love for me, it comes from God’s love for me. Sometimes I wonder if I’d have a better chance at marriage if I was thinner, but I’m not interested in somebody who wants a stick – because I want to be a cuddly mummy if I ever am one. If it’s the Lord’s will for me to be married one day, He will provide the right man at the right time.  If it’s not His will then so be it. Either way I need to be content and as useful for the Lord’s Kingdom as I know how to be, no matter what phase of life I’m in!

5. There’s almost a “shame” stigma attached to being single – have you experienced this and how have you overcome it?

Yes, I have a bit. I’ve overcome it through prayer and learning to be content and confident in who I am now. Also by reaching out to people instead of expecting them to reach out to me, and by serving in the church. I’ve learned to live “my best life now” i.e. God has given me a limited number of years to live on this earth and I no longer want to wish them away.  Rather, I want to use the gifts God has given me to glorify Him and show His love to others.

6. How does singleness look different in your 30s than it did your 20s?

It’s more fun now. I used to hate it, now I enjoy it!  The Lord has graciously given me the most amazing job in the world and the opportunity to serve in church. Add to that a vibrant social life a loving family and a sweet housemate and I could hardly have it better!

7. If you could advise your younger self with regards to relationships – what would you say?

A discontent single becomes a discontent spouse. Find your worth in God’s love for you and don’t expect a man to fulfill your longings. Serve in the church, use the gifts God’s given you and put others first. Don’t put your hopes in an uncertain future but enjoy the life God has given you now. Use your singleness well and glorify God through it! Surround yourself with godly friends and mentors and don’t spend time only with those of your own age – a church is a family filled with younger and older siblings! Rejoice in that and make your friends’ lives richer by loving them more. Confess your sins and struggles to close friends and let them help you – the Christian life is not meant to be lived alone. Love the life you’ve been given instead of wishing for another one.

8. If you were never to marry, how would that change how you live now?

It wouldn’t.

As an ode to Valentine’s Day, we’d like to encourage you to make the most of your singleness. Know that you are not alone, and that in every season of singleness, God provides enough grace to see you through. We serve a God who delights to give good gifts to His children. A Father who will not give you a stone when you ask for bread, but a Father who always gives what is best for His children (Matt 7: 9 -11). You desire to get married? Good. But don’t miss out on the beauty of this season while pining for a future spouse. Thank the Lord this good gift and enjoy it!

The post waiting…waiting… and still waiting – Singleness in your 30s appeared first on Proverbs 31.

As part of the singleness awareness day we will be doing a series of candid interviews with several men and women at various stages in their lives to find out how they are experiencing singleness; we hope their lives encourage you.

Singleness in your 20’s:

Tsholo, 27, female living in Jhb North.

1. Do you enjoy being single?
About three weeks in a month I really do enjoy being single! I enjoy the “freedom” that comes with it, not having to
report where I’m going or why. I enjoy spending my money as I see fit without having to consult someone about it. However, I don’t enjoy the lack of male attention! Sometimes I just don’t want my girlfriends’ attention, I want a guy’s attention; specifically a male human being who breaths. Oh and I don’t enjoy always being the “candle” cause I’m the single one in the group!
2. What are the greatest challenges faced as a result of being single…and Christian?
Not having someone to share this journey of faith with. Not having someone to serve with. And PURITY! The purity battle is real out here!
3. If you were to never marry, how would that change how you live now?
I would think less about marriage and focus more on how to make Christ known, how to serve better, how to live out a more godly life for the glory of God. Just how to get the gospel everywhere!
4. How has the fact that no-one has yet asked for your hand in marriage affected how your view your beauty and worth?
The issue is not really about people not asking, but specifically that a godly guy with a sensible goal in life hasn’t asked. It doesn’t affect the way I think about my beauty but it does make me question whether I am not godly enough to be pursued by a godly guy.
5. There’s almost a ‘shame’ stigma attached to being single – have you experienced this and how have you overcome it?

Yes, definitely! It’s as if I’m the one doing something wrong. Maybe I’m not praying enough, making myself look good enough? Those are the thoughts that come with the question – “why are you still single?”

As a wise friend always says, all in God’s timing. To deal with these thoughts, I keep reminding myself that God is sovereign. God NEVER promised me a spouse, but His word keeps saying over and over that He is the giver of all good things. He does all things for the good of those He loves. That’s a definite comfort for me because I know He thinks this is best for me now in His will for me to be perfected. That makes me happy.

Also, I thank the Lord for godly friends who remind me of these truths when I seem to have forgotten. He is our Father and He loves us, He loved His son but He ‘forsook’ Him for our sake, what’s a little pain here and there when we have such a great hope?

6. If you could advise your younger self with regards to relationships – what would you say?
Be PATIENT girl, it ain’t all about you! You still have a goal – to know Him and to make Him known!

A s an ode to Valentine’s Day, we’d like to encourage you to make the most of your singleness. Know that you are not alone, and that in every season of singleness, God provides enough grace to see you through. We serve a God who delights to give good gifts to His children. A Father who will not give you a stone when you ask for bread, but a Father who always gives what is best for His children (Matt 7: 9 -11). You desire to get married? Good. But don’t miss out on the beauty of this season while pining for a future spouse. Thank the Lord this good gift and enjoy it!

The post Valentines Is For Single People Too appeared first on Proverbs 31.

I was out. I was not going to endure this injustice passively. So, I followed the well-trodden path to the distant country. This journey was first made popular by the prodigal son many moons ago and has since seen many a pilgrim detour there. At least I thought, in the distant country, I don’t have to listen and obey. I don’t have to feel disappointed by God; I can take control of the situation myself and be in charge of my own destiny. It sounded good. The rebellion in my heart had reached boiling point, propelling me faster into this notorious land of the wayward pilgrim.

It felt liberating! I could do whatever I wanted and no one could tell me anything because I just didn’t care! (Okay, I still cared, but only a little). However, the euphoria didn’t last long. Once the emotional high wore off, I looked around the distant country and noted what a wasteland it truly was. It was dead, nothing grew there. That shouldn’t have surprised me though, after all, the Lord is the Author of life. Without the Lord, the distant country could not produce life and it remained barren. I realised then that I couldn’t run away from God and expect to find good things; He alone is the sole provider of all good things. I needed to run back to Him!

Nope. I would make this work. I had run away from God for a purpose and I wasn’t about to go back to Him. Yet, like Jonah, as I sat there sulking at my imagined insults, He grew me a tree, providing me with shade in my wilderness; an unexpected act of kindness. My soul was tired and hungry, like Elijah the Lord saw to the needs of my weary soul. I had tried to escape this God in the distant country because I felt He was a harsh task master, He’d forgotten about me, He was unfair, unkind, indifferent! In reality these were profane thoughts. If anything, the Lord’s wrath should have been heavy upon me and yet He showed me kindness.

The Lord’s tender dealings with me took me by surprise… but why was His tenderness surprising? Why would God’s goodness and compassion astonish me? Wasn’t this typical of God? Isn’t He the same God, who, while we were still sinners sent Christ to die for us? I saw that God’s kindness and love towards me did not wane because of my sin. That truly was my undoing! My acceptance of the Lord’s love for me despite my sinfulness lead me out of the distant country and back onto the Calvary road.

Kyle Idleman says in his book Aha, the God Moment that Changes Everything that people run away from a god of their own creation. [eltdf_blockquote text=”We believe untruths about God, lies that convince us He is not a God we should serve, misconceptions of the True Father. However, these lies are straight outta hell. The God of the bible is never who we think He is when we embark on the prodigal pilgrimage. ” title_tag=”h2″ width=””]In other words, the God we are running away from does not exist! I was essentially throwing a tantrum to a figment of my warped imagination – and what a tantrum at that!

I returned from the prodigal lands, disheartened at my fruitless pursuits and in awe at the mercy shown to me. I went and sat at my Father’s feet and laid my heart bare to Him. The Lord heard me, He got me. I was reminded that the heavenly Father delights over me in singing. I realized that I wasn’t necessarily created for a husband, but for Him. I discovered that He desired me; when He made the whole world, it pleased Him that I should exist. He deliberately fashioned me with my unique cocktail of strengths and weaknesses because He saw that it was good. I was wanted. It dawned on me that my prodigal pilgrimage didn’t happen just because I really wanted to be married. I just wanted to know that I – even I – was loved, adored and valued despite my flaws. That affirmation does not exist in the distant country. It doesn’t even perfectly exist in marriage. It was proven and exists solely at the cross.

The post The unmarried prodigal daughter appeared first on Proverbs 31.

Social justice has always been important to the Lord. He has always been a God for the disenfranchised and the oppressed in society, a God who cares for the widows and orphans. He is a God of Justice and He will judge wrongdoings.

Yet, why do I sense I’m getting lost in the noise and emotion of all the various movements? So much so, that I’ve somehow lost sight of the Lord in the process. What I’m hearing in the #mustfall movements seems to be shutting out the gospel, seems to almost be excluding God.

It’s just that, with all the vigour and emotion I’m seeing lately, you’d swear that #mustfall is the salvation of our people. That living in a racially harmonious society is what we truly need, that if we all had unhindered assess to good facilities regardless of socio-economic status then we could truly be free and happy. That free education is the final step in our emancipation. Granted, those are all good ideals …however, what would be the point of gaining all these privileges (rights?) and still losing your soul?

What’s Gods agenda though? Is God for #mustfall movements?

[eltdf_blockquote text=”The question isn’t which side is God on – but rather, am I on His side? God is in the business of saving souls. All souls. Our souls know no colour, but are universally tainted with the same ugly stain of sin. We’re all born spiritually equal; all born with the exact same spiritual attribute – we were dead. God is in the business of bringing dead souls to life.” title_tag=”h2″ width=””]

I’m wondering if I’ve gotten so caught up in #mustfall movements that I’m no longer being about my Fathers business. God’s agenda is so much bigger than all our issues combined. These movements are only temporarily fixes. It’s like giving cough mixture to someone suffering a heart attack. The cough mixture really can’t do much in that situation. While it is medicine, it’s not the correct prescription for the ailment.

#Mustfall movements could lead to the provision of temporally relief for the disgruntled masses, but they won’t fix the true problems we have as a people. So, even if #rhodesfalls #feesfall #zumafalls, #afrikaansfalls, #outsourcingfalls and even #Nkandlafalls…even then…your soul is still dead in your sins and transgressions. Your sins still need forgiveness. Happily ever after does not exist on this side of eternity. Once #allhasfallen, there will arise another inequality which needs protesting (and protest you must if needs be).

The Lord however, is the great physician. He’s already fixed our truest and deepest need; more than we need racial harmony, more than we need equality for all, more than we need free education, even more than we need our daily bread – we need forgiveness for our sins. That’s something you can’t buy, that’s something white privilege won’t get you, that’s something your disadvantaged background has not excluded you from. The work of Christ on the cross is freely available to all. Because all our souls are stained with sin and His blood is the only cure. Before all else…#sinmustfall… #forgivnessonlyatthecross…#dontgetlostinthenoise.

The post #Mustfall Movements And The Gospel appeared first on Proverbs 31.

Er..ok. Good for her is what I normally think…Meanwhile, in the real world, as I battle sin, sin which I enjoy, which I repented of yesterday, commit today and repent of again. As I don’t always know if I get this, I don’t always feel like I understand myself, my place in this world, God doesn’t always make sense. And no, I don’t always suppose the greatest purpose of my life is to get married, have kids and live happily ever after teaching Sunday school and home schooling said offspring. 

[eltdf_blockquote text=”I wanna discover the soul of this woman. Surely she had fears, surely she had bad days, surely she had issues, surely there was more to her than the fact that her husband’s heart trusts in her, surely surely surely!” title_tag=”h2″ width=””]

To be honest, I find the interpretation of the proverbs 31 model claustrophobic. It often feels one dimensional. The only time I hear it being punted is on how to be a good wife and mother…two things I am not. She seems boring and predictable. I don’t want to be her. I want to be me. I want the adventures that God has planned for me, in my uniqueness, bearing in mind my weakness and my strengths. I want to focus on relationships beyond those of spouse and kids. I feel the world is bigger than the proverbs 31 rhetoric I’ve been fed.

In actuality though, the proverbs 31 narrative does transcends beyond being a wife and a mother. But, you’d never guess that based on how the generic Christian community talks about it. I don’t want to sit comfortably in that generic box. I wanna discover the soul of this woman. Surely she had fears, surely she had bad days, surely she had issues, surely there was more to her than the fact that her husband’s heart trusts in her, surely surely surely!

Maybe she had a tattoo, maybe she ran a major company, maybe she did teach Sunday school, maybe she was barren, maybe she remained single?…I don’t think her worth and her beauty were the consequence of her social position and relationship status. She is worth more than rubies because her heavenly Father has placed that price tag on her. Regardless of her circumstances, she is valued. She is a woman who seeks after Gods heart – continually. That’s the type of woman I want to be. However that plays out in my life. I want her adventure, the adventure of being always led by the Spirit.

The post But Did The Proverbs 31 Woman Have A Tattoo? appeared first on Proverbs 31.