This is all very noble and inspirational. Huge sacrifices have been made by protestors and activists. Whether it is the anti-slavery movement, suffragette movement, women’s liberation movement or feminist movement – notable strides have been made in the name of women empowerment.

What is the world’s view of women?

For centuries the world has dismissed and mistreated women, subjecting them to inequality and indignity. History has spoken and the stories have been recorded.

And yet it seems that history has also spoken on another level. Anything in the name of enlightened ‘feminist’ world views is not seeking to restore the beauty, truth and wholeness of our creative feminine identity, but rather to exchange that for a redefined femininity, based on the clever lies that keep morphing and evolving with each era, decade or generation.

• Under the banner of the women’s pro-choice movement, burning bras suddenly became symbolic of freedom, but also for chemically burning unborn babies in the womb.

• Under the banner of the transgender movement, fighting for women’s rights suddenly became about women having the right define their own identity, to abandon femininity and choose to be men.

• Under the banner of the postmodern movement, the nurturing model of mothers protectively fighting for the rights and innocence of their children became about children usurping their parents’ rights and authority to themselves become the ultimate influencers and authority figures.

• Under the banner of the post truth movement, celebrating and honouring the divine image bearing wonder of biological male and female sexuality suddenly became archaic and outdated and the explosion of the rainbow LGBTQ+ movement was born.

This has all transpired in the span of 50 years. Who would have thought?

But we are not really thinking. When it comes to the essence of who we are as women, the loudest voices and ‘group think’ pressures have damaged our view of womanhood, debasing and diminishing it for causes that have no noble objectives. World views that deny, dismiss and distort a uniquely biblical cultural, and yet simultaneously countercultural, expression of beautiful, strong femininity have not only taken root in our society but in our hearts and minds, eroding our sensibilities.

John Piper weighs in here by observing that in the media and movies, women are constantly being portrayed, not as strong women, but as trying to be strong like men, as imitation men.

Instead of restoring God’s lofty view of women and striving to protect and celebrate it, we easily embrace the ever changing world views and ideas that come our way. And each one is slowly whittling away the core of our true feminine identity.

What is the ‘feminist’ view of women?

Think with me for a moment:

• Women have been fighting to not be objectified for years and yet they keep objectifying themselves. (Don’t believe me? Just look around. Or just scroll through Instagram feeds, stories and reels).

• Women denounce female stereotypes and yet the faulty premise promoting a unique female ‘personal’ brand is all about stereotypes. (Don’t believe me? Just sign up for one of the many personal branding webinars/masterclasses that pop up on your Facebook feed.)

• The women’s liberation movement is all about women “thinking like a man, being like a man, acting like a man” and yet this has resulted in more misery and bondage.

• How did the indignant outcry of women against misogyny and abuse result in a female cult following of E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey?

• The feminist movement has adopted a basic bully mentality: emasculate men (put men down, belittle them) so that women can feel better about being women.

According to Forbes.com, “Feminism, at its core, is about equality of men and women, not “sameness.” And yet here we sit with an enlightened egalitarian notion that we are all the same.

One’s mind spins at the confusion and anomalies.

Is this really what celebrating women is all about?

Women seem to miss that their glory is in being uniquely different and complementary to men, not the same as.

What is God’s view of women?

When we choose to deny who we were designed to be, we choose instead to enslave ourselves to man’s (generically speaking) faulty agendas and the world’s chains.

For 6000 years we can look back on cultural and societal examples of how women have been subjugated and mistreated. But that is not God’s template and it was never God’s design, so it is strange for any alternate theory to accuse God of being anti-women and chauvinistic.

Since the beginning of time, God – the divine activist – has been on a mission to showcase the unique, unrivalled and glorious image bearing beauty of both male and female. His redemptive plan, from before the creation of the world, has been to restore what we messed up and destroyed. Women were designed to be different – stronger in some areas and weaker in others – to men. That is how men and women complement each other. God set this design in place to give freedom to both men and women, not to set them in competition with one another.

Our freedom and identity lie in celebrating and protecting who we were created to be, as women.

Throughout the OT Biblical narratives, and NT Gospels and Letters, we see a radical view of womanhood compared to contextualised `Hebrew, Babylonian, Greek and Roman societies of the day.

Adam’s first response on seeing Eve was one of poetic awe and wonder at such a unique and feminine expression of humanity. And God’s pre-fall intent was for man and woman to equally work the created world together. The value and dignity of a woman was never in question.

EVE – Her name means ‘the mother of all living’ – an honourable and ’empowering’ title.

HAGAR – In a cultural context when women were seen as disposable and an inconvenience, God sees Hagar and protects and provides for her.

SARAH – When Abraham lied about Sarah being his wife, willing to allow her to be sexually defiled, God stands in the gap and prevents her from being sexually taken advantage of by the king.

HANNAH – At a time when a woman’s dignity and identity were connected to childbearing, God remembered Hannah.

JAEL – As the wife of a traitor, she steps in the gap and defends King David.

ESTHER – A woman who God used to save the people of Israel from genocide.

PROVERBS 31 WOMAN – An example of striking womanhood that expressed itself in resourcefulness, business acumen, creativity, honour – caring for the poor & vulnerable, helping to provide for her family, taking charge of her servants, respecting her husband and fearing God. Strength and dignity are her clothing and she laughs at the days to come. (Is this not what we, as women, are striving for?).

In the NT we have the radical and countercultural examples of Jesus and the Church treating and acknowledging women with dignity, value and respect in a time when they were considered invisible and less than. From the Samaritan woman at the well, the women who poured perfume on Jesus’ feet and the women caught in adultery to Mary, Martha, Dorcas, Lydia, Nympha and so many more.

         “The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian makes me a different kind of woman.”

-Elisabeth Elliot

What is God’s definition of womanhood?

I have to default to John Piper’s eloquence here:

“She is a woman who is assured of her feminine identity in such a deep and powerful way that she knows she is a man’s equal in the kingdom of God. She knows she is a man’s equal in the sight of God. She knows she is a man’s equal in the inheritance of joy. She is poised and free to affirm the manhood of the men around her and come alongside them and help them in every way they can in their unique calling. In this way, the dance and the rhythm and the choreography of male and female become a beautiful partnership.”

Men are in humble awe of such women. They are prepared to sacrificially serve and lay down their lives for such women. And they are careful to honour and uphold the dignity of such women.

God is concerned for women and their honour and reputation. They are highly valued in his kingdom and He does not tolerate his divine image being tarnished by any person, movement or ideology that seeks to distort or disregard that. Your view of true, authentic, joyful and liberating womanhood will begin with your view of God – you will not find it anywhere else. May we stop being persuaded by and stop succumbing to lesser views and expressions of womanhood. Paul exhorts us in Colossians 2:8: “See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ”

Christ should never be eclipsed in aspiring to be a godly woman. And true biblical womanhood is creative, community-orientated, counter cultural and collaborative. It is liberating, inspiring and captivating. We would be foolish to mess with that. Rather, we should fight to celebrate and protect this endangered view of womanhood.

The post Women’s Day – Celebrating & Protecting an Endangered View of Womanhood appeared first on Proverbs 31.

The rapid spread of COVID-19 has induced a fear that has left some communities and homes paralysed. The caution and heed to the health of the public is warranted. However, this state of anxiety leaves us very uncomfortable and uncertain.

Mental health workers have presented concerns about what this collective experience means and the impact this may have. It has been suggested that self-isolation and being quarantined may induce the following emotional experiences:

1. Optimism: An eager and positive attitude masked by an intention to be productive and industrious.
2. Determination: A deteriorated optimism but an eagerness to stick to intended tasks and schedule.
3. Satisfaction and frustration: This stage is shown by an oscillation between productivity and failing to meet targets resulting in satisfaction and frustration at times.
4. Depression: This may be elicited by difficulty concentrating, maintaining routine and being away from typical experiences – seeing friends and loved ones, collective gatherings and doing the things we enjoy. You might feel agitated, demotivated, hopeless, or feel a sense of despair.
5. Anger: The experience of anger about the situation and the confinement may also creep up. This may lead to getting easily irritated and agitated by others in your household.
6. Acceptance:  Acknowledging that other things are in our control and others not so much is indicative of accepting the situation for what it is.
7. Making meaning: Remembering that this move to self-isolate is necessary and that you’re serving humanity and the greater good to help prevent more sickness and death.

We may not experience all these stages nor may they be experienced in this order. However, this time calls for a reflection and observation of ourselves in relation to things, beings and ideas. This article intends to conscientize you to things that may determine how you get through these times.

Your relationship with information

During this time, we are inundated by information – fake news, statistics and death tolls. It is important that we monitor how we interact with all this information. Information is very accessible and invades our senses constantly. The concern is what this information has the ability to do as we go through these days. This is not to suggest an “ignorance is bliss” approach to coping, but rather a healthy awareness that allows us to be consumed by other joyous things.

We also must hold ourselves accountable for the information we share for others to consume. Is it helpful to overwhelm others who are already spammed continuously with COVID-19 news?

Your relationship with others

This is a time to be evaluative of the role we play in the lives of those near and far. Imagine what it must be like to be in isolation with an abusive or emotionally toxic spouse during this time. Imagine what it must be like living with a high-risk chronic illness during this time. Imagine.

I say imagine, but I am hoping that this will drive us to small acts of service for those near and far. Others we may call and spend ten minutes encouraging or praying with on the phone – not lamenting how inconvenient lockdown is. Let this time drive us to empathy and prayer for others.

Your relationship with self

Some will be spending a lot of time alone or with their own thoughts during this time. This may be healthy and very necessary, but this can also be very destructive too. Time spent with self can allow us to take inventory of our thoughts, attitudes and what we value.

It can be suggested that the self is made up of identity, body image, personality, role performance and esteem. These faculties of the self can aid us navigate the perils of thoughts, attitudes and values that do not help us to be gentle with ourselves during this time.

Self-care is a commonly reiterated message but many of us are yet to determine what that ought to look like. We either err on the extreme of self-neglect and burn out, or the extreme of self -absorption and sinfulness. Take caution brethren.

Your relationship with the Trinity

This is a time for us to think about what God is saying to us. This does not warrant answers but a reckoning with the times that we are living in.

As we go through the seven stages mentioned earlier, it is worth remembering that we are not left alone but with a comforter that is the Holy Spirit (John 14:26). May this truth renew our minds as we pray, seek peace and a holy perspective; remaining in fellowship with Christ

The collective fear, panic and uncertainty that exists now is a demonstration of the unbelief that looms over us. May this time serve as an opportunity to remember The Word of God that gives hope to those who are called by Him. Let us repent of our wickedness and hold onto faith in the grace that is promised to us by our Heavenly Father.

The post COVID-19 and The Mental Health of the Believer. appeared first on Proverbs 31.

Everywhere we look, we see a lot of chaos in our world. We don’t need to look very far, we only need to turn on the news, the pages of magazines and newspapers or look at social media. I don’t think there has been a single day in History where any human being has said “all is right with the world”. Every time and everywhere, there has been trouble in the world.

We also fear for our lives in light of all that is happening in the world. Sometimes we see it and turn a blind eye, glad that in our corner of the world, we may not be affected by what others are experiencing. Everyone is looking out for themselves, it’s called self-preservation. We crave that at all costs, and it breeds all kinds of injustices and hatred of the “other” in an attempt to elevate and preserve oneself.

It wasn’t always this way. God created perfect human beings in His own image, “God created man in His own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:27). He created everything and it was good, He created human beings and they were very very very good. But sin came into the world when man decided to disobey God and do things that God told them not to do (Romans 5:12). That one action, brought sin into the world, that has separated man from God and been passed on from generation to generation. As human beings, we want to live our own way, and not the way we were intended to live, as God created us. This affects us all, as we are all born from the first created human beings, Adam and Eve, who’s sin has affected us all.

What is going on in the world? We all want power, we all want to do things our own way apart from God. We don’t want Him to be all powerful, we want the power, in one way or another, and this shows in the way we live our lives apart from Him. This power breeds a hatred of anything that stands in the way of us wanting power. For centuries, we have drawn lines of race, class and gender to put people in categories that make us stand out from other people, and we want to be better than them. We don’t want to be equal, we want to be better at all costs. We don’t see ourselves as being created equal, with two gender roles, with no one role being better than the other. Different skin tones, to reflect the beauty and image of God. Different roles in society to glorify God. All these differences that are to glorify God are used to glorify ourselves. To create an “us and them” mentality that propagates our self-preservation, our power over others.

This striving to be better than others, means that we see others as less than ourselves. This notion breeds hatred of anyone who threatens to “usurp” our power. We compare ourselves to others, imitating those who we see as better than us, and ridiculing those who we see as lesser, wanting to keep them suppressed, oppressed and in their place. We don’t see God as the ultimate power, because we want the ultimate power to lie with us. Thank God this will never happen! He is still in control and will always have all the power, no matter how hard we try, and we have tried! But where has this gotten us? Nowhere. And we don’t see it. It has been happening for centuries, the cycle of man thinking he can have ultimate power. Yet we still try, time and time and again, not seeing that history repeats itself:

“All that we call human history–money, poverty, ambition, war, prostitution, classes, empires, slavery–[is] the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy.” C.S Lewis

Power and hatred all stem from a heart that does not recognize God as the ultimate power and the definition of love.

Continue reading…Part 2

The post The cycle of sin in the world: Power and hatred in a world that is anti-God – Part 1 appeared first on Proverbs 31.

Media has been abuzz with news about South Africa these past few weeks. Men who have raped and killed women, and men who have kidnapped children. Is this something new? No. There have been a number of violent attacks on African people, by other African people, simply because they are from a different part of the African continent. Are these xenophobic attacks new? No. Is this a phenomenon that has occurred in the past? Yes. Here again, sin in the form of power and hatred rears its ugly head. Men wanting power over women, different cultural groups wanting power over one another. Not seeing one another as human beings, created in the image of God, as fellow image bearers (Genesis 1:27). Sin is sin, and it manifests itself in different forms.

Looking at the history of South Africa, we see how sin manifested itself in the form of apartheid. People of one skin tone thinking they are better than people of another skin tone. Why? For one group to have power over the other. Let’s think about this. What happens to someone who has been sold the narrative of being lesser than another over time, decades and centuries? Will that person just decide to change their mind and start seeing themselves as equal to those who have been believed to be superior all this time? Will all the hatred towards the other, automatically change? Will a period of 25 years of freedom from the oppressor undo centuries of oppression, just like that? We would have to have a greater power than man believes himself to be, to truly change the mindset of both the oppressor and the oppressed to do truly do that. We are still seeing the effects of apartheid today.

Am I saying that apartheid has caused all the wrong that is happening today? No. It’s sin, and that sin manifested itself in the form of apartheid.

Apartheid aside, have we forgotten about the wars between different cultural groups in Africa and South Africa? Have we forgotten about the Mfecane? The period of widespread chaos and warfare among indigenous ethnic communities in southern Africa during the period between 1815 and about 1840? Many may say a lot of the conflict was instigated by the colonial forces in order to destabilize African cultural groups, but whether or not that was the case, we still see sin at play, with the quest for power and a hatred of the other, being evident. We still see this happening today, the cycle continues, not only on the African continent, but in the world.

What is the cause of what is happening?

What is the cause of all that is wrong in this world? Sin. “Sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all people, because all sinned” (Romans 5:12) Once we deny this very fact, human beings are doomed. Denying this means there is no hope and we will continue to spiral into destruction and chaos. Recognising the one problem of this world, the biggest problem there will ever be, shows us that there is a problem that needs a solution.

We have seen sin manifest itself in power and hatred, which has led to many consequences. The world has been in deadly wars, genocides, all because of the need for power over the other and hatred of the other to have power over them. These are all means of destruction, caused by the need to want more,

be more, and have power. Our sinful need for power causes hatred, caused by sin. The sin of loving the self, more than others. The sin of loving ourselves more than our creator. When will we learn?

Only God has power! Jeremiah 10:12-13 says “He has made the earth by His power, He has established the world by His wisdom, and has stretched out the heavens at His discretion. When He utters His voice, there is a multitude of waters in the heavens: And He causes the vapors to ascend from the ends of the earth. He makes lightning for the rain, He brings the wind out of His treasuries.” Who in this world has such power? Which being that ever existed?

Romans 1:20 tells us “For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse”

Only God provides us with what we need! He has given us everything by His power:

“As His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue,” 2 Peter 1:3

“Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matthew 6:26-34

He provides us with what we need including our need for a savior from sin.

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. John 3:16

This is our only hope in the world. We have a way out from trying to satisfy ourselves. A way out from all the sin that is causing destruction in this world. From all the sin that is destroying us. From being far away from the one who created us and has provided all we need. There is a way to be content with what He has given us. A way to love others and see others as fellow image-bearers in Christ. A way from not competing with others and thinking more of ourselves. His name is Jesus.

And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others.

But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you

have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:1-10

He is the spotless lamb, the only one who has ever lived without sin, yet took the punishment of the sins of the world upon Himself. The only begotten son of God, fully God and fully man, who came to save us. The righteous one who imparts His righteousness on us, so that we may be reconciled to the Father. He took the wrath that we deserve, upon Himself and has ascended into heaven as His work on earth has been completed.

He left us with His Holy Spirit, to continue the work of transforming us into the likeness of Himself.

To help us understand His will for us through the scriptures, and applying it to our lives:

But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. But he who is spiritual judges all things, yet he himself is rightly judged by no one. 1 Corinthians 2:14-15

To convict and transform us, to hate sin and turn away from it:

“And when He has come, He will convict the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment: of sin, because they do not believe in Me; of righteousness, because I go to My Father and you see Me no more; of judgment, because the ruler of this world is judged.” John 16:8-15

To rely on His ultimate power in our lives and to put all our trust in Him. For our good.

“My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:2

To teach us to love one another as he loved us.

“Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us” Romans 5:5

We cannot do any of these things unless we turn to Christ, (Matthew 6: 33) have faith in Him through His word (Romans 10:17, Ephesians 2:8-9, 1 Corinthians 2:5), believe in Him (Acts 16:31, Romans 10:9) turn from our sins and live our lives according to his will (1 John 1:9, Acts 3:19).

We can never have all the power, because all power belongs to the Lord. We can never provide ourselves with all we need because only God can do that. We cannot love our neighbours without knowing the love of God, without knowing God who is love Himself. My prayer is that the Lord will, through the preaching of His word, transform hearts. It’s the only solution to the problems of the world. It has been the only solution and will always be. For those who do not know the Lord, seek Him, turn to Him in repentance that He may transform your heart and mold and make you into His likeness. That you may live a full life honouring to Him and be reconciled to Him. For those who know the Lord, let us continue to seek Him, let us continue to share the good news of the gospel with our neighbours. Let us love them so much that we don’t want them to perish. Let us not be shocked at the state of the world and say “look at them, look at what sinful people are doing,” Let us love God and His people, taking heed to the great commission:

“Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen. Matthew 28:19-20

This is the only remedy to the problem of sin that plagues our societies and causes destruction.

Tell of the good news! Nkosi sikelel’ iAfrika

The post The cycle of sin in the world: Power and hatred in a world that is anti-God – Part 2 appeared first on Proverbs 31.

In the garden before the fall.

We had no lack

Before we went off track.

Naked yet felt no shame,

Because innocence defined our frame.

The presence of God, O wonderful sweetness!

His voice filled with love and tenderness.

He made it all,

In beauty – all great and small.

From the fish that swarmed the seas,

To the birds that flew with ease,

All creatures that crept on the ground,

To the cattle and beasts that he made to abound.

Man, who was made in His image and likeness

Was to care for it all in kindness.

We heard him call,

But His tender love we could not recall.

Fear and dread filled our mind

As we sought for a tree to hide behind.

He said we could eat, but not from that one

Or death would surely come.

But beguiled by the serpent’s crafty entice,

We exchanged God’s truth for a lie.

We heard mercy call

From the One whose authority is above all;

The Son of God, full of truth and grace,

He came and showed us God’s embrace.

Although we were by nature children of wrath,

He died to bring us onto the right path.

Sinless and righteous, yet took upon Himself our shame,

He bore God’s wrath and took the blame.

So come now you all

And take heed to His call,

All you from every tribe and nation, great and small.

Come to the place that He has prepared;

Where fellowship with Him has been totally repaired.

The former things have passed away,

No more sin or death, nor suffering or decay.

He has promised to restore everything to perfection,

And that is our hope as we await our glorification.

He alone is God Almighty,

Praise His Holy name for He alone is worthy!

The post Restoration through Christ Jesus appeared first on Proverbs 31.

Malamulo  R.T  Chindongo  brings  to  this  book,  16 years  of  ministry  experience to  college  students and  young  professionals  in  parts  of  Southern Africa  and  the  USA.  Rethinking  Relationships  seeks to  provide  men  and  women  with  a  tool  and  guide in  their  preparation  for  life,  courtship,  marriage and  family. Malamulo is currently serving as one of the elders at Antioch Baptist Church, in Blantyre, Malawi.

About the Book

Why another book on dating & courtship? Dating, courtship, and marriage largely remain areas with more questions than answers for many people. Navigating through these waters has never been easy for any generation. In Rethinking Guy/Girl Relationships, you will find answers to commonly asked questions concerning dating, courtship, and marriage.

Can this book be used for self study? Rethinking Guy/Girl Relationships is not just a book for personal enjoyment or for curious readers, but a biblical guide for those who are serious about developing healthy relationships with marriage in view. The book follows a simple format for easy reading. All the chapter titles are specific questions people ask concerning singleness, dating, courtship, and marriage.

What makes this book important for African readers? Most books on courtship today are written by western authors, and in most cases they overlook addressing issues faced by African men and women. In Rethinking Relationships, the author biblically addresses cultural issues unique to men and women in Africa. As the moral compass of our culture continues to nosedive, new ideas are being suggested to many young men and women on how to go about finding a partner. The entertainment industry has taken the lead with most of its concepts of love, romance, and marriage becoming the cause of most failed marriages.

What can readers expect to learn about the Bible from this book? The Bible provides timeless and working solutions to our problems. God made the marriage relationship, and He has the manual on how to cultivate a glorifying, God-honoring marriage.

Are other topics addressed in the book besides dating & courtship? This is more than a book about dating and courtship. The author seeks to help readers deepen their understanding of biblical manhood and womanhood, and how all these subjects find their meaning in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Who This Book is For:

Single Men & Women & those in a Relationship

Rethinking Relationships is for both single men and women. Those who will get married someday. A lack of preparation is the cause of most relationship and marriage problems.

Engaged & Married Couples

If you are engaged or have  just got  married,  you will  find  this book helpful as you  reflect on things you could have done better, and as you consider the more advanced chapters in  the book together with your partner.

Pastors, Youth Pastors & Bible Study Leaders

If you are someone who is leading a bible study or counseling young couples, you will find this book to be a very helpful tool for guiding others through these difficult waters.

How to Get A Copy of this Book

South African residents can have access to the book by placing an order here: info@28distrcts.org or contacting  0827538517 on WhatsApp. This book is also available on AMAZON

The post 13 Hard Dating & Courtship Questions Answered: Rethinking Guy/Girl Relationships Book Spotlight appeared first on Proverbs 31.

“So any kids?” she followed, “no, not yet”, I said.

These types of interactions seem to happen so quickly that I find myself unable to formulate uncomplicated truthful responses. I’ve included the word “truthful” because every time I respond with a “no” to the question of whether I have a child, I lie. I don’t mean to, I just don’t know yet how to say that I had a child who died in utero.

I feel like I betray our child every time I say no; I feel as if I deny their existence with every reply. This feeling is excruciating because it is also a reminder that our child isn’t here with us. We’ve had people coming into our home and exclaiming -kindly- that we can have the light coloured furniture we had because we didn’t have children yet. Some have asked me why I don’t have children yet and others have told us that our lives are a little less complicated because we don’t have children. These interactions are gloomy, to say the least.

I replay these interactions in my head and I think about the perception that our reproduction is fully in our hands when it isn’t. I think about the perception that we’re childless by choice when we aren’t. I think about the normalcy of asking married couples about their reproductive plans. I think about all this and conclude that none of these interactions are meant to harm me; they are innocent, not malicious.

My Own Personal Nightmare

So what do I do then? My pain is raw, deep and constant. Sometimes I can’t breathe and I have to swallow so I can force myself to take a breath. Other times I lay in bed at night, wetting my pillow with my tears, wishing that I could see or even hold our child. I wish that we had had a chance to hear their heart beat or something that could linger longer than an ultrasound image. It’s been 5 months since we lost our child to a miscarriage and I am not even a little bit over that. I oscillate between the knowledge that our child lived and died in the same place and the disbelief that they were there to begin with. I still can’t believe that we lost our Bean who just needed a chance to grow.

It turns out that what happened to our family is a common phenomenon. According to the statistics, 31% of pregnancies end in a miscarriage¹. So about one in three pregnancies end in a loss like ours.

Comfort has been hard to come by. This journey has been my most difficult and loneliest yet. I couldn’t (and still cannot) understand why it seemed that mothers who lost their children in this way did not have a lot of support based on how common miscarriages were.  I wondered this because I found myself suffering alone. My husband and I were not provided with much comfort beyond sincere expressions of sorrow and prayers when the news initially broke. No other on-going support- that we were aware of- was provided for us as church going people with friends and family. I have no doubt that those close to us continued to pray but no one else reached out, save for my mother. That perception hurt me deeply as our Bean was a real human child who was wanted and loved. This also hurt because I have found that people who are grieving need support more after the initial shock of the loss has worn off.

Mother’s Day was possibly the hardest day this year as it reawakened the grief and left me wondering if I truly was a mother. Could I be a mother if my child passed before they had fully formed? Do other mothers acknowledge me as a mother? Later, I became depressed and seriously contemplated self-harm until I was able to work through my pain with a Therapist.

Where could comfort be found?

Our comfort came from the Lord who proved Himself strong, secure and unchanging, saying: “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not anything made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”- John: 1-5

Colossians 1: 15- 17 says “He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things have been created through Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.”

In the Word, I found comfort in the truth: our child’s creation was an activity of God. Our precious child was made by God, for God. He/she wasn’t truly ours. The one who made our child saw it fitting to take them away and that is okay. I learnt that the Lord is trustworthy, although I do not have my child, I have the Lord and I am trusting in His goodness.

The Lord then directed our eyes at Him and it caused me to be grateful. I am grateful for the 2 months I got to live with our precious Bean. I am in awe of the Lord for using a small human to change our lives forever. I am grateful for the babies that make it safely through their journey in the womb, who emerge, beautiful and perfect; I appreciate the care the Lord takes while knitting together precious humans in their mother’s wombs. I am as awestruck as ever by the Lord’s creative ability. I am grateful for those who did pray for us because I could not do so myself in the beginning. I am grateful for the stories I heard of similar losses as they helped me know that I was not the only one to know this pain.

The Lord directed my eyes to the pain and suffering of others and caused me to be more mindful in future of how I support my grieving loved ones; I am now a lot more aware of how crucial providing long-term support to those who are grieving is.

The comfort also came when we realized that the Lord had been seeing us through our grief. It was the Lord who helped me note that I was depressed and in need of urgent counselling. I could not have had the desire or the awareness without Him. It was the Lord who comforted us through His faithful provision of shelter, food and faithful preaching at our local church.

I’m still learning how to navigate through interactions with people regarding the absence of children in our marriage without lying or feeling like I’m betraying our child. I’m getting better via online conversations that can be thought through; I was able to answer the question about whether I had any kiddos with a modifier. I replied, “We have no little ones running around yet”. Maybe the Lord will grant us little ones who will run around in the future, maybe He won’t; either way, may His will be done.

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Because we submit ourselves to this unattainable standard, women have become enslaved to destructive habits such as skin bleaching, plastic surgery and lip dyeing. And other insidious habits such as dieting and contour make-up to make our features look more European and thus more acceptable.

Full figure and discontent

I am a full figure, dark skinned woman with kinky 4c hair but I have spent my entire adult life trying to attain this impossible standard of beauty mainly through starving myself (what others call dieting). I was teased about my body as a teenager and in an effort to conform I starved myself, so I could stay thin. And that worked for most of my adult life until I had children. In the last 3 years I have gained 3 dress sizes and I have struggled with discontentment. I look in the mirror and I hate the woman I see because she doesn’t measure up to the standard that I have come to believe is the measure of beauty. I feel ugly and my confidence and joy shrivel under the gaze of this full figure African woman.

How is it that as a Christian woman, I have derived my sense of worth from the size of my jeans and allowed my joy to be held captive by a number on a scale? Why do I turn to dieting and exercise for joy instead of Christ? Why is it easier to starve myself instead of praying and asking God to renew my heart and mind and give me contentment?

The simple answer is idolatry. I yearn for man’s approval more than God’s.

Beauty is God’s idea

”The world could possibly exist without the variegated colors that are painted on it, but God meant that this should be a beautiful world; that it should appear well; that there should be something more than mere utility.²” And so when we get up in the morning and wear a pretty outfit, do our hair and wear make-up to look beautiful we are responding to a desire that has been imprinted on us by our Maker. God created his universe full of various expressions of beauty – you and I are evidence of that. But when we corrupt that desire we are guilty of idolatry.

A higher standard of beauty

As I seek to reboot my thinking about beauty I am learning that there is a higher standard of beauty. I want to be that 1Peter 3 woman whose beauty does not come from outward adornment but comes from the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. I want to put a period, not a comma in front of Psalm 139:14 when it says I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

And I will have to teach my daughters too how to ward off the lies that the world tells us about our identity, and teach them to treasure God’s voice, over Hollywood’s. It is not enough for them to know that they are beautiful by design, because beauty is fleeting. The voice of popular culture is transient, but Gods eternal voice lasts forever. But before I can teach them I must first believe these truths.

Notes

¹ https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/beauty

² Quote taken from Barnes commentary on 1 Peter 3:4

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As I look at my daughter, on the brink of womanhood, there is nothing I wish more for her, as a daughter of God, than to embrace her beautiful essence of God –given femininity and for her to impact the world with a kingdom mind-set of true and creative womanhood.

My prayer for her is that she would drown out the clarion call of Society’s pursuit towards feminism as well as the church’s unintentional and oftentimes subtle, yet functional call towards subjugation and subordination. I long for her to see her image-bearing worth through the eyes of God and the words of Scripture.

She is not less than. She is not inferior.

If God does not view her as such, no man or man-made philosophy has the right to do so. May she never enable views such as chauvinism or misogyny with her silence or apathetic acceptance.

‘To understand the meaning of womanhood we have to start with God. If He is indeed “Creator of all things visible and invisible,” then He is certainly in charge of all things, visible and invisible, stupendous and miniscule, magnificent and trivial. God has to be in charge of details if He is going to be in charge of the overall design.’ [Elizabeth Elliot]

When God created the world, there was not sufficient in Adam to reflect God’s image. Neither Adam nor Eve were adequate, on their own, to bear the divine image. Adam, on his own, was not good. It was only after God created woman, that together they complemented each other and filled in what the other lacked with their own unique strengths. It was only then that God could pronounce that His creation was complete and very good and truly beautiful and could give Him glory. It was only then that God stopped creating.

John Piper’s view of true womanhood is captured through his childhood eyes:

‘When I was a boy growing up in Greenville, South Carolina, my father was away from home about two-thirds of every year. What I learned in those days was that my mother was omni-competent. But it never occurred to me to think of my mother and my father in the same category. Both were strong. Both were bright. Both were kind. Both would kiss me and both would spank me. Both were good with words. Both prayed with fervour and loved the Bible. But unmistakably my father was a man and my mother was a woman. They knew it and I knew it. And it was not mainly a biological fact. It was mainly a matter of personhood and relational dynamics.’

In God’s perfect creation design in Genesis, He gave a special place, honour, function and glory to the man and the woman – different from each other but the same, equal in value, worth and dignity. The cultural or creation mandate, to fill the earth and subdue it, was given to both Adam and Eve. Neither could carry out this mandate and mission successfully on their own.

Every culture and society, post Genesis 3 and down through history, has had expressions and attitudes of viewing women as inferior and less than – objectifying them, disrespecting them, discriminating against them or abusing them.

This was never God’s design or way. It comes from Satan, the father of lies, who loves to imprison, keep in bondage and distort the Truth with his well-practised mantra, ‘Did God really say?’

In fighting the war against the world’s view of feminism and its invisible chains, the church has sometimes built a prison for women. Its bars are built from reactionary fear and the mishandling of God’s Truth. It comes from viewing women through a post Genesis 3 lens.

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By expressing our divine design of femininity, in all its wonder and beauty, we not only reflect God and bring Him glory, we feel free and fulfilled.

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Culture, not the Bible, has imposed definitions on words that assume weakness and insignificance. When we take Biblical terminology, words such as ‘helpmeet’, submission’ and ‘weaker vessel’ and we don’t define them biblically through the lens of Genesis 1 and 2, [where they imply strength, dignity and beauty], but rather redefine them through the lens of culture and a worldly societal context, we do much damage. We misrepresent God’s beautiful design and we start empowering feminism and chauvinism in the church context.

In so doing, we play right into Satan’s hands and his game of discrediting God. Women desire to rule over men and men want to rule harshly with women. We are as deceived as Adam and Eve were in Genesis 3. We don’t reflect the Gospel, we reflect the world.

‘It is a naive sort of feminism that insists that women prove their ability to do all the things that men do. This is a distortion and a travesty. Men have never sought to prove that they can do all the things women do.

Why subject women to purely masculine criteria? Women can and ought to be judged by the criteria of femininity, for it is in their femininity that they participate in the human race. And femininity has its limitations. So has masculinity. That is what we’ve been talking about. To do this is not to do that. To be this is not to be that. To be a woman is not to be a man. To be married is not to be single – which may mean not to have a career. To marry this man is not to marry all the others. A choice is a limitation.’  [Elizabeth Elliot ‘Let Me be a Woman’]

Biblical womanhood cannot be simply defined and limited by the two ‘go-to passages’ of Proverbs 31 and Titus 2. That becomes confusing and restrictive and distorts God’s design for true womanhood.

Society and the church’s view of women is to define them by their roles. God’s view of women is far grander, far more glorious and exceedingly more creative and beautiful. God defines women by their image-bearing worth. In God’s eyes, our identity as women comes from who we are in our created image-bearing design. In the eyes of a fallen world, our identity as women comes from an evolutionary design.

I am not as concerned with Society’s view of woman; Society will always get it wrong. I am concerned for the church; that is where we need it to get it right. It is where we can get it right. According to Gods’ Word, a woman is not ‘less than’ in the Church and she is not inferior in the home. This is often reflected in attitudes and mind-sets in the church context. Subservience is glorified because it looks like holiness and humility.

The church needs to see as God sees.

This is hard because tradition is entrenched and the fight against egalitarianism has seen many retreat to the other side, the side of patriarchy and chauvinism. When the pendulum swings from one side to the other, it often takes a long time to settle back in the middle.

Culture has always taken a contrary view to the Bible. The Bible’s view is good, but Culture has taken what is good and called it evil.

Culture considers women as objects, as inferior, as less than. Culture measures worth by ability, man-made standards and Darwinian instincts. The Bible has always regarded women as worthy, noble and honourable.

God drew near to Hagar in the wilderness when she was unfairly banished from Abraham’s home with Ishmael. God punished Onan when he disrespected his duty to Tamar. God saved Rahab, a prostitute abused by men, and honoured her by including her in the lineage of Jesus. God chose to work through women who were stigmatised by ancient societies because they were barren – Sarah, Rebekah, Hannah, Samson’s mother and Elizabeth. God blessed Ruth, a Moabitess, and culturally less worthy. God considered her worthy of being redeemed and becoming the mother to Obed who was in the line of David and Christ. Jesus defended the adulterous women who was discriminated against. Jesus gently revealed who He was to the Samaritan woman at the well, lower in ethnic, religious and social status.

The Bible honours women. Jesus honoured women. Paul, in his letters to the NT churches, honours women.

I want my daughter to see these beautiful Biblical expressions of womanhood honoured in the church. Women who are precious in God’s sight, resourceful and fearless, clothed in strength and dignity, full of wisdom, kindness and grace. Women who fear the Lord and are praised at the gates.

I want her to see godly men in the church respect women and treat them with honour, protection, kindness and gentleness.

I want her to see women flourish, alongside men, in making disciples as Jesus commissioned both men and women to do as the church’s mandate.

I want Society to look at our churches and to not be drawn in by the beautiful steeples and stained glass windows, but rather by the beautiful and countercultural expressions of biblical femininity and masculinity that the Gospel creates and calls us to.

I want my sons to see beautiful examples of women who are ‘omni-competent,’ clothed in strength and dignity, laughing at the days to come, because they fear the Lord. I want them to learn how to serve women by giving up their lives sacrificially for them, just as Christ gave up His life and exemplified submission to His Father.

When Adam set eyes on Eve, after realising that there was no suitable companion for him among the animals, he burst forth in poetic song, celebrating her as a precious gift, honouring her and worshipping God in gratefulness. He recognised Eve as a woman. She was beautifully different from him in form and physiology, but completely like him in her image-bearing design, reflecting their Creator’s master hand. They could communicate together, be creative together and glorify God together.

I want my daughter to see and experience that in the church and in godly Christian homes.                                I want my sons to recognise that unique worth and value in women and celebrate it.

That will happen when it is modelled. That will happen when Godly women celebrate their unique design of femininity and are joyfully content expressing that beautifully. That will happen when Godly men acknowledge it and hold it up as excellent and noble and rise and call her blessed.

Why do warriors go to battle? To fight for and protect their women (and children) from foreign invaders, because women are worthy of being fought for and protected.

Why does the prince rescue the princess? Because she is worthy of being rescued.

She is not less than. She is not inferior.

A woman’s input, in the home and the church, is necessary and valuable. It is invaluable. Men need it. They needed it in Eden, when there was no sin. God saw that and He created woman. It is the way God designed it and it was very good. It was perfect.

‘My plea is let me be a woman, holy through and through, asking for nothing but what God wants to give me.’ [Elizabeth Elliot]

This blogpost was first published here

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Growing up, I thought about one day having a family and being a mother. I wanted to be the cool mother who did all these wonderful things with her kids. In my mind, I thought I would be the best friend to my kids, and looking back, it was more about being loved than loving. I wanted to have kids who thought the world of me, and I was determined to be ‘super mom’.  The Mary Poppins, Maria von Trapp kind of mother (thank you Julie Andrews). Yes, that’s my era. Movies and books presented more of a wholesome household compared to today’s sitcoms and movies that portray a less homogeneous household and mixed up gender roles. But that’s a whole other topic on it’s own. The image of motherhood was somewhat glorious to me. I also admired my mother so much and couldn’t wait to be a mother one day, God willing.

When the Lord brought me to Himself, and started to show me through His word, who I was, I began to think “ how can I even be a mother? me?”  It was still exciting to think of, and I wanted to have as many children as the Lord would will. But as I grew in my knowledge of God and His will , He began to show me, through His word, what the role of woman , wife and mother is all about, and I knew that without Him, I couldn’t take on such a huge responsibility. He has the blueprint of life, womanhood and motherhood through His word.

Fast forward to marriage and 2 kids later. Diapers, sleepless nights, potty training, stubborn frowns, disobedience and the word “no”. When you realise that motherhood is the toughest job on the planet, because you are raising little ones for God’s glory and you feel like you are not the right person for the job. You realise that there is no such thing as a “super mom”, but only a super God “who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.” (Ephesians 3:20-21).

The reality is, I don’t measure up. That “super mom” is what I attain to be, but really, I cannot. That check list that we create for ourselves, or even the checklist that we have made out of Proverbs 31:10-31, just shows me how sinful and imperfect we are. God has given me two precious little girls to raise, for His glory and I only have a short time to do it. They will grow up and take all that I have taught them, out of the home with them. Will they called me blessed ( Proverbs 31:28)? They watch what I do, they soak it all in. They learn from me whether I like it or not. How am I displaying the fruits of the Spirit to them?  Am I loving and submitting to their father as unto the Lord? Am I modeling for them, what biblical womanhood is? Even if the Lord wills to bless us with boys one day, am I showing them what a godly woman looks like? These are questions that us mothers should all ask ourselves. If we aren’t in Christ, who are we raising our kids for?

What a joy and a privilege it is, to raise children, biological or not. From the moment each of my children were born, I loved them. Just when you think you can’t possibly have more love left, you have the same immeasurable amount for one, as for the other. And this is not even including the love you already have for your husband. It’s amazing that God gives us His unconditional love and we don’t understand how boundless it is until you experience the boundless love He has given you for your husband and children. And even that, doesn’t come close to the love God has for me. And if He loves me so much and has given me such a responsibility, surely He is with me and will guide me through the ups and downs of motherhood if my life is truly submitted to Him. He “will meet all my needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus” (Phillipians 4:19)

I still admire my mom, and I know many women admire their mothers. We respect mothers in this society, but they are not perfect. I still think that the image of a wholesome, nurturing mother is one to be admired, but looking at that image without Christ and a biblical worldview, that woman is only an idol. Only Christ can make me the woman and mother He wants me to be. I need not look to the world to tell me what a mother should look like, because she may behave like the perfect mother, but without Christ it’s impossible and the facade is meaningless.

Let’s do away with the check lists and ideas of a “super mom” and turn to Christ who enables us to do these things, because on our own it’s impossible. Raising children for God’s glory means cleaving to Christ and looking to Him in order to do it. Raise them in the fear and admonition of Him who you serve, not your own “super mom” idol. The Lord calls us to Himself, to submit to Him, to teach our kids His ways ( Deuteronomy 6: 6-9) that they may not depart from it ( Proverbs 22:6). And they will honour you (Ephesians 6:2, Proverbs 31: 28), and it will go well with them as they live a long life ( Ephesians 6:3), serving the Lord, which is what the Lord commands us to train them for. He knows the joy of raising children for Him, and done His way, it always works. We cannot be godly mothers if we aren’t godly women, looking to Christ first.

This article was first published here

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