This is all very noble and inspirational. Huge sacrifices have been made by protestors and activists. Whether it is the anti-slavery movement, suffragette movement, women’s liberation movement or feminist movement – notable strides have been made in the name of women empowerment.

What is the world’s view of women?

For centuries the world has dismissed and mistreated women, subjecting them to inequality and indignity. History has spoken and the stories have been recorded.

And yet it seems that history has also spoken on another level. Anything in the name of enlightened ‘feminist’ world views is not seeking to restore the beauty, truth and wholeness of our creative feminine identity, but rather to exchange that for a redefined femininity, based on the clever lies that keep morphing and evolving with each era, decade or generation.

• Under the banner of the women’s pro-choice movement, burning bras suddenly became symbolic of freedom, but also for chemically burning unborn babies in the womb.

• Under the banner of the transgender movement, fighting for women’s rights suddenly became about women having the right define their own identity, to abandon femininity and choose to be men.

• Under the banner of the postmodern movement, the nurturing model of mothers protectively fighting for the rights and innocence of their children became about children usurping their parents’ rights and authority to themselves become the ultimate influencers and authority figures.

• Under the banner of the post truth movement, celebrating and honouring the divine image bearing wonder of biological male and female sexuality suddenly became archaic and outdated and the explosion of the rainbow LGBTQ+ movement was born.

This has all transpired in the span of 50 years. Who would have thought?

But we are not really thinking. When it comes to the essence of who we are as women, the loudest voices and ‘group think’ pressures have damaged our view of womanhood, debasing and diminishing it for causes that have no noble objectives. World views that deny, dismiss and distort a uniquely biblical cultural, and yet simultaneously countercultural, expression of beautiful, strong femininity have not only taken root in our society but in our hearts and minds, eroding our sensibilities.

John Piper weighs in here by observing that in the media and movies, women are constantly being portrayed, not as strong women, but as trying to be strong like men, as imitation men.

Instead of restoring God’s lofty view of women and striving to protect and celebrate it, we easily embrace the ever changing world views and ideas that come our way. And each one is slowly whittling away the core of our true feminine identity.

What is the ‘feminist’ view of women?

Think with me for a moment:

• Women have been fighting to not be objectified for years and yet they keep objectifying themselves. (Don’t believe me? Just look around. Or just scroll through Instagram feeds, stories and reels).

• Women denounce female stereotypes and yet the faulty premise promoting a unique female ‘personal’ brand is all about stereotypes. (Don’t believe me? Just sign up for one of the many personal branding webinars/masterclasses that pop up on your Facebook feed.)

• The women’s liberation movement is all about women “thinking like a man, being like a man, acting like a man” and yet this has resulted in more misery and bondage.

• How did the indignant outcry of women against misogyny and abuse result in a female cult following of E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey?

• The feminist movement has adopted a basic bully mentality: emasculate men (put men down, belittle them) so that women can feel better about being women.

According to Forbes.com, “Feminism, at its core, is about equality of men and women, not “sameness.” And yet here we sit with an enlightened egalitarian notion that we are all the same.

One’s mind spins at the confusion and anomalies.

Is this really what celebrating women is all about?

Women seem to miss that their glory is in being uniquely different and complementary to men, not the same as.

What is God’s view of women?

When we choose to deny who we were designed to be, we choose instead to enslave ourselves to man’s (generically speaking) faulty agendas and the world’s chains.

For 6000 years we can look back on cultural and societal examples of how women have been subjugated and mistreated. But that is not God’s template and it was never God’s design, so it is strange for any alternate theory to accuse God of being anti-women and chauvinistic.

Since the beginning of time, God – the divine activist – has been on a mission to showcase the unique, unrivalled and glorious image bearing beauty of both male and female. His redemptive plan, from before the creation of the world, has been to restore what we messed up and destroyed. Women were designed to be different – stronger in some areas and weaker in others – to men. That is how men and women complement each other. God set this design in place to give freedom to both men and women, not to set them in competition with one another.

Our freedom and identity lie in celebrating and protecting who we were created to be, as women.

Throughout the OT Biblical narratives, and NT Gospels and Letters, we see a radical view of womanhood compared to contextualised `Hebrew, Babylonian, Greek and Roman societies of the day.

Adam’s first response on seeing Eve was one of poetic awe and wonder at such a unique and feminine expression of humanity. And God’s pre-fall intent was for man and woman to equally work the created world together. The value and dignity of a woman was never in question.

EVE – Her name means ‘the mother of all living’ – an honourable and ’empowering’ title.

HAGAR – In a cultural context when women were seen as disposable and an inconvenience, God sees Hagar and protects and provides for her.

SARAH – When Abraham lied about Sarah being his wife, willing to allow her to be sexually defiled, God stands in the gap and prevents her from being sexually taken advantage of by the king.

HANNAH – At a time when a woman’s dignity and identity were connected to childbearing, God remembered Hannah.

JAEL – As the wife of a traitor, she steps in the gap and defends King David.

ESTHER – A woman who God used to save the people of Israel from genocide.

PROVERBS 31 WOMAN – An example of striking womanhood that expressed itself in resourcefulness, business acumen, creativity, honour – caring for the poor & vulnerable, helping to provide for her family, taking charge of her servants, respecting her husband and fearing God. Strength and dignity are her clothing and she laughs at the days to come. (Is this not what we, as women, are striving for?).

In the NT we have the radical and countercultural examples of Jesus and the Church treating and acknowledging women with dignity, value and respect in a time when they were considered invisible and less than. From the Samaritan woman at the well, the women who poured perfume on Jesus’ feet and the women caught in adultery to Mary, Martha, Dorcas, Lydia, Nympha and so many more.

         “The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian makes me a different kind of woman.”

-Elisabeth Elliot

What is God’s definition of womanhood?

I have to default to John Piper’s eloquence here:

“She is a woman who is assured of her feminine identity in such a deep and powerful way that she knows she is a man’s equal in the kingdom of God. She knows she is a man’s equal in the sight of God. She knows she is a man’s equal in the inheritance of joy. She is poised and free to affirm the manhood of the men around her and come alongside them and help them in every way they can in their unique calling. In this way, the dance and the rhythm and the choreography of male and female become a beautiful partnership.”

Men are in humble awe of such women. They are prepared to sacrificially serve and lay down their lives for such women. And they are careful to honour and uphold the dignity of such women.

God is concerned for women and their honour and reputation. They are highly valued in his kingdom and He does not tolerate his divine image being tarnished by any person, movement or ideology that seeks to distort or disregard that. Your view of true, authentic, joyful and liberating womanhood will begin with your view of God – you will not find it anywhere else. May we stop being persuaded by and stop succumbing to lesser views and expressions of womanhood. Paul exhorts us in Colossians 2:8: “See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ”

Christ should never be eclipsed in aspiring to be a godly woman. And true biblical womanhood is creative, community-orientated, counter cultural and collaborative. It is liberating, inspiring and captivating. We would be foolish to mess with that. Rather, we should fight to celebrate and protect this endangered view of womanhood.

The post Women’s Day – Celebrating & Protecting an Endangered View of Womanhood appeared first on Proverbs 31.

As I look at my daughter, on the brink of womanhood, there is nothing I wish more for her, as a daughter of God, than to embrace her beautiful essence of God –given femininity and for her to impact the world with a kingdom mind-set of true and creative womanhood.

My prayer for her is that she would drown out the clarion call of Society’s pursuit towards feminism as well as the church’s unintentional and oftentimes subtle, yet functional call towards subjugation and subordination. I long for her to see her image-bearing worth through the eyes of God and the words of Scripture.

She is not less than. She is not inferior.

If God does not view her as such, no man or man-made philosophy has the right to do so. May she never enable views such as chauvinism or misogyny with her silence or apathetic acceptance.

‘To understand the meaning of womanhood we have to start with God. If He is indeed “Creator of all things visible and invisible,” then He is certainly in charge of all things, visible and invisible, stupendous and miniscule, magnificent and trivial. God has to be in charge of details if He is going to be in charge of the overall design.’ [Elizabeth Elliot]

When God created the world, there was not sufficient in Adam to reflect God’s image. Neither Adam nor Eve were adequate, on their own, to bear the divine image. Adam, on his own, was not good. It was only after God created woman, that together they complemented each other and filled in what the other lacked with their own unique strengths. It was only then that God could pronounce that His creation was complete and very good and truly beautiful and could give Him glory. It was only then that God stopped creating.

John Piper’s view of true womanhood is captured through his childhood eyes:

‘When I was a boy growing up in Greenville, South Carolina, my father was away from home about two-thirds of every year. What I learned in those days was that my mother was omni-competent. But it never occurred to me to think of my mother and my father in the same category. Both were strong. Both were bright. Both were kind. Both would kiss me and both would spank me. Both were good with words. Both prayed with fervour and loved the Bible. But unmistakably my father was a man and my mother was a woman. They knew it and I knew it. And it was not mainly a biological fact. It was mainly a matter of personhood and relational dynamics.’

In God’s perfect creation design in Genesis, He gave a special place, honour, function and glory to the man and the woman – different from each other but the same, equal in value, worth and dignity. The cultural or creation mandate, to fill the earth and subdue it, was given to both Adam and Eve. Neither could carry out this mandate and mission successfully on their own.

Every culture and society, post Genesis 3 and down through history, has had expressions and attitudes of viewing women as inferior and less than – objectifying them, disrespecting them, discriminating against them or abusing them.

This was never God’s design or way. It comes from Satan, the father of lies, who loves to imprison, keep in bondage and distort the Truth with his well-practised mantra, ‘Did God really say?’

In fighting the war against the world’s view of feminism and its invisible chains, the church has sometimes built a prison for women. Its bars are built from reactionary fear and the mishandling of God’s Truth. It comes from viewing women through a post Genesis 3 lens.

…………………………………………………………………………

By expressing our divine design of femininity, in all its wonder and beauty, we not only reflect God and bring Him glory, we feel free and fulfilled.

……………………………………………………………………………

Culture, not the Bible, has imposed definitions on words that assume weakness and insignificance. When we take Biblical terminology, words such as ‘helpmeet’, submission’ and ‘weaker vessel’ and we don’t define them biblically through the lens of Genesis 1 and 2, [where they imply strength, dignity and beauty], but rather redefine them through the lens of culture and a worldly societal context, we do much damage. We misrepresent God’s beautiful design and we start empowering feminism and chauvinism in the church context.

In so doing, we play right into Satan’s hands and his game of discrediting God. Women desire to rule over men and men want to rule harshly with women. We are as deceived as Adam and Eve were in Genesis 3. We don’t reflect the Gospel, we reflect the world.

‘It is a naive sort of feminism that insists that women prove their ability to do all the things that men do. This is a distortion and a travesty. Men have never sought to prove that they can do all the things women do.

Why subject women to purely masculine criteria? Women can and ought to be judged by the criteria of femininity, for it is in their femininity that they participate in the human race. And femininity has its limitations. So has masculinity. That is what we’ve been talking about. To do this is not to do that. To be this is not to be that. To be a woman is not to be a man. To be married is not to be single – which may mean not to have a career. To marry this man is not to marry all the others. A choice is a limitation.’  [Elizabeth Elliot ‘Let Me be a Woman’]

Biblical womanhood cannot be simply defined and limited by the two ‘go-to passages’ of Proverbs 31 and Titus 2. That becomes confusing and restrictive and distorts God’s design for true womanhood.

Society and the church’s view of women is to define them by their roles. God’s view of women is far grander, far more glorious and exceedingly more creative and beautiful. God defines women by their image-bearing worth. In God’s eyes, our identity as women comes from who we are in our created image-bearing design. In the eyes of a fallen world, our identity as women comes from an evolutionary design.

I am not as concerned with Society’s view of woman; Society will always get it wrong. I am concerned for the church; that is where we need it to get it right. It is where we can get it right. According to Gods’ Word, a woman is not ‘less than’ in the Church and she is not inferior in the home. This is often reflected in attitudes and mind-sets in the church context. Subservience is glorified because it looks like holiness and humility.

The church needs to see as God sees.

This is hard because tradition is entrenched and the fight against egalitarianism has seen many retreat to the other side, the side of patriarchy and chauvinism. When the pendulum swings from one side to the other, it often takes a long time to settle back in the middle.

Culture has always taken a contrary view to the Bible. The Bible’s view is good, but Culture has taken what is good and called it evil.

Culture considers women as objects, as inferior, as less than. Culture measures worth by ability, man-made standards and Darwinian instincts. The Bible has always regarded women as worthy, noble and honourable.

God drew near to Hagar in the wilderness when she was unfairly banished from Abraham’s home with Ishmael. God punished Onan when he disrespected his duty to Tamar. God saved Rahab, a prostitute abused by men, and honoured her by including her in the lineage of Jesus. God chose to work through women who were stigmatised by ancient societies because they were barren – Sarah, Rebekah, Hannah, Samson’s mother and Elizabeth. God blessed Ruth, a Moabitess, and culturally less worthy. God considered her worthy of being redeemed and becoming the mother to Obed who was in the line of David and Christ. Jesus defended the adulterous women who was discriminated against. Jesus gently revealed who He was to the Samaritan woman at the well, lower in ethnic, religious and social status.

The Bible honours women. Jesus honoured women. Paul, in his letters to the NT churches, honours women.

I want my daughter to see these beautiful Biblical expressions of womanhood honoured in the church. Women who are precious in God’s sight, resourceful and fearless, clothed in strength and dignity, full of wisdom, kindness and grace. Women who fear the Lord and are praised at the gates.

I want her to see godly men in the church respect women and treat them with honour, protection, kindness and gentleness.

I want her to see women flourish, alongside men, in making disciples as Jesus commissioned both men and women to do as the church’s mandate.

I want Society to look at our churches and to not be drawn in by the beautiful steeples and stained glass windows, but rather by the beautiful and countercultural expressions of biblical femininity and masculinity that the Gospel creates and calls us to.

I want my sons to see beautiful examples of women who are ‘omni-competent,’ clothed in strength and dignity, laughing at the days to come, because they fear the Lord. I want them to learn how to serve women by giving up their lives sacrificially for them, just as Christ gave up His life and exemplified submission to His Father.

When Adam set eyes on Eve, after realising that there was no suitable companion for him among the animals, he burst forth in poetic song, celebrating her as a precious gift, honouring her and worshipping God in gratefulness. He recognised Eve as a woman. She was beautifully different from him in form and physiology, but completely like him in her image-bearing design, reflecting their Creator’s master hand. They could communicate together, be creative together and glorify God together.

I want my daughter to see and experience that in the church and in godly Christian homes.                                I want my sons to recognise that unique worth and value in women and celebrate it.

That will happen when it is modelled. That will happen when Godly women celebrate their unique design of femininity and are joyfully content expressing that beautifully. That will happen when Godly men acknowledge it and hold it up as excellent and noble and rise and call her blessed.

Why do warriors go to battle? To fight for and protect their women (and children) from foreign invaders, because women are worthy of being fought for and protected.

Why does the prince rescue the princess? Because she is worthy of being rescued.

She is not less than. She is not inferior.

A woman’s input, in the home and the church, is necessary and valuable. It is invaluable. Men need it. They needed it in Eden, when there was no sin. God saw that and He created woman. It is the way God designed it and it was very good. It was perfect.

‘My plea is let me be a woman, holy through and through, asking for nothing but what God wants to give me.’ [Elizabeth Elliot]

This blogpost was first published here

The post I Am Woman appeared first on Proverbs 31.

[eltdf_dropcaps type=”normal” color=”” background_color=””]I[/eltdf_dropcaps] cringed as I was writing that greeting because I hate when people call me independent.  But the truth is, it’s what I’ve fought so hard to become.  I have lived much of my life trying to prove people wrong about my ability to be self sufficient.  Trying to prove that I can do it on my own.  It’s a battle I’ve fought hard and a battle I’ve mostly won.  But have I really, though?

So here I am, late 20s and single.  I love my independence.  Sometimes I let it rule my life.  Backing up…let’s be real, I often let it rule my life.  It’s a badge I wear proudly.  Sometimes I wear it so proudly that I don’t know how to take it off.  Several weeks ago, I felt like my badge of independence was being ripped from me.  I got asked out for coffee by a guy I’d just met.  My immediate response was: Uhmm…I don’t have time for this, have a nice day.  

No, I didn’t actually say that! You’ll be relieved to hear that response was just in my head.  I was told by a dear friend recently that if I desire to be married, I have to stop saying no to every single guy that shows interest.  So I texted a girl friend and literally said:  I don’t know what to say.  I have a particular skill in shutting guys down…the reverse, not so much.

That invitation terrified me.  My mind went into an immediate spiral of what-ifs that led to the thought: could this simple little invitation to get coffee be the end of my independence?  And my friend, that is when I realized my independence is an idol in my heart.  That was a painful thing to realize.

Idols aren’t just the little carvings people in different parts of the world have sitting on their mantle.  According to Merriman-Webster’s Dictionary, an idol is a representation or symbol of an object of worship; broadly: a false god.  My friend, that’s what independence is in my heart: a false god.  An idol can be anything that you worship above the one, true God.  My independence is stealing from me my greatest joy: a life in honour of Christ.  Instead of pursuing Christ, I’m pursuing things that give me greater independence.

That little invitation for coffee ended up being nothing.  We chatted a bit, had a nice time, but in the end decided that the Lord was clearly leading our lives in two totally different directions.  But I’m so glad he asked me to coffee, because God used it to expose my heart and show me my sin.

[eltdf_blockquote text=”My greatest fear is that I will be successful in the things that don’t matter for eternity. And my greatest desire is to serve the Lord sacrificially with my whole life. It’s time to put my desire for independence to death. ” title_tag=”h2″ width=””]. May I continue to remain single as long as my service for the Lord has a larger impact through my singleness than through marriage.  But if I meet someone where I can tangibly see a way wherein we can serve the Lord better together, then may I joyfully embrace marriage.  Either way, I can find joy and contentment in the life the Lord has planned for me.

Today, let your dependence be on Christ.

Love from One Independent Sister to Another

The post Dear Independent Sister appeared first on Proverbs 31.

The streaks of biblical womanhood which  I see in Muthani (my wife)  are not so much her prowess in cooking and baking (which she does really well), nor her vigor in cleaning (which she does so much that sometimes I even get irritated with her not sitting down), nor any of the other tasks which she excellently performs. These tasks certainly have added lots of value to me, those around us and the church… but that’s not where her biblical attributes shine through brightest.

Rather, it is when the outworking of her faith shows itself in all that she does, then, she is clothed with the virtues of true biblical womanhood.

Let me speak of how I see the attributes of  a Titus 2 and Proverbs 31 woman in my wife:

1. Her time and energy are principally dedicated to being our children’s mother and my wife. I see her daily making choices that put her family first, even if it comes at a cost to her. She does things like reading to our children (small though they be), rising at 5am to make breakfast for our son before going to attend to her career and she consistently takes the time to see to her husband’s wellbeing.

2. She has a heart to invest in her younger sisters in the Lord. Her relationship with Christ and her life experiences have equipped her with wisdom and insights which have proven to be immensely helpful to young ladies. Muthani never shies from an opportunity to hold a young ladies hand and walk with her through life. I’ve seen her lovingly embrace these young ladies with all their faults and failures reaching out to them physically, or via whatsapp.

3. She is a worker at home. Muthani reminds me of the fact that God has given the home to women as their domain. In the home, she gives space for my leadership to come alive, my ego as a provider to soar, and my sense of being a caring man to blossom. She daily makes the home her domain by not being lazy or too busy outside her home. True to the scriptures, she is worker at home.

4. I have never seen Muthani tired. On two occasions I have seen her “carry” our children for nine months. Surprising and inspiring to many she still attended to the house, the family and consistently sought to be a means of grace. I remember in her last pregnancy, hardly 24hours out of theatre and she was busy sending out messages regarding provisions for our usual church lunch. In what would be expected to be a moment of weakness for her; she instead willingly served the people of God. Many times for the sake of Christ, her household, friends and family she will not tire, but will go the extra mile – Indeed, she literally dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.

A word of caution: I’m not saying Muthani is flawless, free of weakness and/or picture perfect. Far from it. I’m talking about her frailty being transformed by faith.  I think the most important and fundamental thing about the Proverbs 31 woman, which manifests in Muthani, is explained at the end of the chapter, “she fears the Lord” (Prov. 31:30) and we know that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge and wisdom (Prov. 1:7, 9:10, 15:33).

Muthani’s practical faith is a continuous reminder to me that orthodoxy must ALWAYS must show itself in orthopraxy.

By Humphrey Mukutuma

The post Streaks of a Titus 2 & Proverbs 31 woman appeared first on Proverbs 31.

Pondering of this and seeing this lived out in my wife, delights my heart. Beholding my wife given striving to grow in this area of grace is fulfilling. Her godly character is a constant reminder and a reflection of what an excellent wife looks like.

Three implied principles are reflective of her as gleaned from Prov. 31 v 11:

My wife is devoted to loving God and His word. And I daily learn from her. Her loving devotion toward our daughter and to me, is matchless. Her devoting of time, strength, wifely duties and all other crucible intricacies toward me, the man of clay in whom nothing good resides, cannot go unnoticed.  Her devotion to care for and cherish our relationship, her willingness to accept me for who I am –and not for what I am and have–, is worth noting. I trust her because she is an open book for all to see and know precisely the divine dealing of God with her. She is so transparent that when she is down cast or even rejoicing, she remains a woman ever yielding to God’s divine providence, a woman willing to be helped and guided where possible. She, in this way, makes my duty as a husband to love, lead and guide her, quite rewarding.

This describes my wife’s unfeigned love toward me.  Albert Martin’s lectures, “Love”, define love as “…that gracious and principled disposition of good will, which desires and practically seeks the good of its object even at its personal cost” (Pastoral Theology, cultivating love for men part 1) – I Corinthians. 13v4 – 8b. It is in this definition that I see an affirmative reality definitive of my wife.

Regarding her unhampered sacrifice and selflessness: my wife left the earthly comforts of the USA, willingly leaving in response to the Lord’s call to missions. She has settled in the most contrasting conditions as compared to her place of birth and upbringing. Her sacrifice and selflessness is praiseworthy. My heart trusts her in all things for she seeks scripture to govern her, against all odds.

When I look at my wife, I see an exemplified reality of I Cor. 13v4 – 8a, Eph. 5v22 & v24 & v33b-, I Pet 3v1 – 6. And I foresee the fruitful principle of a mature woman reflective of Titus 2v3 – 5. Already she emits so well much growth in grace and knowledge of Christ. And not only will she be exemplary to the younger women who will in turn praise her, but our children and I  –her husband–, will praise her, for she will be a mother of the faithful.

She is priceless and valued beyond costly jewels. I am daily indebted to God for His gracious gift of giving her to me.

“The Selfish and ungodly persons everywhere enter into all kinds of relationships with a desire of serving their own selves, and gratifying their own flesh without knowing or caring what is required of them. Their desire is for the honor, profit, or pleasure their relationship will provide them but not for what God and man requires or expects from them. [Gen 2:18, Prov. 18:22] Their mind is concerned only with what they shall have and not for what they shall be and do.” Richard Baxter.

Sydney B. Kombe

Richard Baxter, The Mutual duties of husbands and wives towards each other, 1615-1691, http://www.puritansermons.com/

The post The virtue of trust appeared first on Proverbs 31.

No woman who has not learned to master herself can be trusted to submit willingly to her husband. And that word willingly means that she does not merely resign herself to something she cannot avoid. It means that by an act of her own will she gives herself. With gladness she submits because she understands that voluntary submission is her very strength [emphasis mine]. Because it is the thing asked of her by her Creator, it is the thing that which assures her of fulfilment. It is the task assigned her which, willingly performed, actually strengthens the husband in his weakness.[1]

I would like to write about my wife Buya Ennie Phiri. One of the many virtues she has, which spring from the honest truth that she is ‘a woman who fears the Lord’, is that she is teachable and willing to learn from me as her husband. She does this out of her fear for Christ as her Lord. She has made a very conducive environment for me to teach and lead us in the word. She has encouraged me to study and read so that I can be competent to lead and teach our family in the truth of Scripture.

She shows her interests in asking me questions of things she does not understand in her own private reading of the bible, or from the sermon at church. When we are doing our family time of prayer and study of the scriptures, she is keen on either asking or answering questions regarding what the scriptures are saying. She earnestly prays with me and for me that we may live out the things we read and study in the scriptures. Much as she is a very intelligent woman, she makes me feel like I’m the genius between us.

In her field of expertise, and in things she does best, I run to her for counsel and wisdom. She has indirectly taught me much in life by her virtue of meekness as seen in her submission. Her willingness to learn from me makes me feel like the hero, when actually she is the hero. Have you ever wondered why in Proverbs 31:23 the husband of the virtuous woman is known at the gates (the gate was the centre of town life, where legal business was transacted), when he sits with the elders of the land? Well, like the old saying goes; behind every successful man is his woman. ‘No man succeeds without a good woman behind him’ (Harold Macmillan, 1963).

[1] Let me be a woman, p. 325

By Mas Phiri

The post She makes me feel like a hero appeared first on Proverbs 31.

She was raised in the largely rural Eastern Cape, and although I was also born there, I spent the larger share of my formative years being molded in the urban streets of Vosloorus, a township south east of Jo’burg.

This is why she often looks at me with a look that is a mixture of bemusement and unease when I bob my head violently upon hearing a Theory Hazit beat, and it is why I often look at her with a look that is a mixture of envy and admiration, when she sings Weslyean Xhosa hymns from memory.

If you could be a fly on our fern green living room wall on some of our home entertainment evenings, you would hear us debating whether to watch an episode of “Gxabhashe” or a Spike Lee joint.

I must admit, there are some aspects in which I often selfishly wish my wife was more like me, but what follows are some brief, random thoughts on those aspects of her character that I pray for more grace to imitate.

Counting Others More Significant Than Herself

It is a chilly Monday morning in our rented apartment in Wellington City.  I am hurriedly making myself presentable for another day at the office.  Mamo sneaks out of the bedroom, careful not to wake our little terrorist children. One minute she is in the lounge, tidying up what looks like the aftermath of a miniature service delivery protest (You can take a South African out of Mzansi they say). The next minute she is in the kitchen, baptising the dishes as if to cleanse them of any guilty stains from our yesternight gluttony.

Why the rush to tidy up so early in the morning? Are we expecting guests? Sort of…  The house cleaners are coming.  Yes, the house cleaners.  Ever since we’ve been married, I have been observing that Mamo has this habit of cleaning up before the cleaners come. While many of us would plan our house parties right on the night before the cleaners are due to come, she reasons that just because they get paid to clean our mess doesn’t mean that we should abuse and taken advantage of them. Talk about counting others more significant than yourself.

Ambitions on Hold

Like many married men, I know more about my wife’s friends than she knows about mine. I can neither confirm nor deny the fact that I am insinuating that women are generally more talkative than men, but if I am ever accused of making such a claim, I withdraw that truth.

The point is this; I have come to learn that nearly all of my wife’s friends, from her once pimple-faced high-school mates, to her varsity colleagues, are swiftly making their way up their respective corporate ladders while she sits at home being the ladder upon which our children climb their way to maturity.

Now I am in no way condemning other married mothers who are career women. Mind you, Mamo may still decide to trade the kitchen for an office sometime in the future. I am merely admiring my her God-given resolve and strength to put her career ambitions on hold (to often face disparaging remarks from friends and family and to often struggle with deep bouts of self-doubt about the decision she has made) for the sake of our children. And every time I observe our children’s confidence and emotional security, when I hear our two year old daughter lisping parts of scripture I know I haven’t made the time to teach her, I cannot help but praise the Lord for the wisdom that has led us down this path.

The ‘S’ Word

If there is anything more deplorable in our society than a woman who chooses to be a stay-at-home-mother, it is a woman who affirms her husband’s role as head of the home.  Many young girls today grown up in environments where they learn to despise the idea of a woman submitting to her husband before they even learn to pronounce the word complementarianism, let alone understand its beautiful meaning.

Not so with my wife. She was nurtured by women who epitomized the word submission. Her mother and the women around her, being fruits of the Classical Pentecostalism of the Assemblies of God, sang from a hymn sheet which has all but been discarded in many parts of today’s society.

Over the almost-four-years of our married life, I have come to realize that the gentle and quite spirit that attracted me to her in the first place was not some kind of courtship make-up to be washed off on the wedding night.  She truly is ‘without wax’.

Grace.

To be sure, Mamo would be the first to admit that she still needs tons of grace to grow in these and many other virtues, but from where I am standing I have some catching up to do.

I am grateful for my wife’s example of counting others more significant than herself, I am grateful for her example of sacrificial living.  I am grateful for those women who became walking commentaries on Proverbs 31 for her to read in her youth.

I am grateful for the jewel that my wife is.

But my gratitude is coloured with not a little tint of fear. Having sinned against her in many ways in the past, and knowing that apart from the grace of God, I may yet sin against her in worse ways, I fear lest I should trample so much upon this beautiful gift that I should be the reason our daughter grows up to join the popular chorus of voices who mock and ridicule women like her mother.

But God is rich in grace.

By Mandla Gqada

The post Imitating My Wife as She Imitates Christ appeared first on Proverbs 31.

I was out. I was not going to endure this injustice passively. So, I followed the well-trodden path to the distant country. This journey was first made popular by the prodigal son many moons ago and has since seen many a pilgrim detour there. At least I thought, in the distant country, I don’t have to listen and obey. I don’t have to feel disappointed by God; I can take control of the situation myself and be in charge of my own destiny. It sounded good. The rebellion in my heart had reached boiling point, propelling me faster into this notorious land of the wayward pilgrim.

It felt liberating! I could do whatever I wanted and no one could tell me anything because I just didn’t care! (Okay, I still cared, but only a little). However, the euphoria didn’t last long. Once the emotional high wore off, I looked around the distant country and noted what a wasteland it truly was. It was dead, nothing grew there. That shouldn’t have surprised me though, after all, the Lord is the Author of life. Without the Lord, the distant country could not produce life and it remained barren. I realised then that I couldn’t run away from God and expect to find good things; He alone is the sole provider of all good things. I needed to run back to Him!

Nope. I would make this work. I had run away from God for a purpose and I wasn’t about to go back to Him. Yet, like Jonah, as I sat there sulking at my imagined insults, He grew me a tree, providing me with shade in my wilderness; an unexpected act of kindness. My soul was tired and hungry, like Elijah the Lord saw to the needs of my weary soul. I had tried to escape this God in the distant country because I felt He was a harsh task master, He’d forgotten about me, He was unfair, unkind, indifferent! In reality these were profane thoughts. If anything, the Lord’s wrath should have been heavy upon me and yet He showed me kindness.

The Lord’s tender dealings with me took me by surprise… but why was His tenderness surprising? Why would God’s goodness and compassion astonish me? Wasn’t this typical of God? Isn’t He the same God, who, while we were still sinners sent Christ to die for us? I saw that God’s kindness and love towards me did not wane because of my sin. That truly was my undoing! My acceptance of the Lord’s love for me despite my sinfulness lead me out of the distant country and back onto the Calvary road.

Kyle Idleman says in his book Aha, the God Moment that Changes Everything that people run away from a god of their own creation. [eltdf_blockquote text=”We believe untruths about God, lies that convince us He is not a God we should serve, misconceptions of the True Father. However, these lies are straight outta hell. The God of the bible is never who we think He is when we embark on the prodigal pilgrimage. ” title_tag=”h2″ width=””]In other words, the God we are running away from does not exist! I was essentially throwing a tantrum to a figment of my warped imagination – and what a tantrum at that!

I returned from the prodigal lands, disheartened at my fruitless pursuits and in awe at the mercy shown to me. I went and sat at my Father’s feet and laid my heart bare to Him. The Lord heard me, He got me. I was reminded that the heavenly Father delights over me in singing. I realized that I wasn’t necessarily created for a husband, but for Him. I discovered that He desired me; when He made the whole world, it pleased Him that I should exist. He deliberately fashioned me with my unique cocktail of strengths and weaknesses because He saw that it was good. I was wanted. It dawned on me that my prodigal pilgrimage didn’t happen just because I really wanted to be married. I just wanted to know that I – even I – was loved, adored and valued despite my flaws. That affirmation does not exist in the distant country. It doesn’t even perfectly exist in marriage. It was proven and exists solely at the cross.

The post The unmarried prodigal daughter appeared first on Proverbs 31.

ore women need to be a part of the workforce, top business positions should be filled by more women, keep women out of the home, and in the workforce.” This is what the world chants and is very characteristic of today’s society. As women, we want to make it in the business/corporate world that has been, for centuries, dominated by men. We are told that we need equal jobs, equal pay, equal hours at work, and everything else that men have been entitled to for a long time.

Is there something wrong with women working? No. We are working beings, and both men and women are to work. Before I got married, I worked long hours in the corporate world, spent late nights in the office, and was a part of the world of quick turnarounds and long workhours. I was not married and had no dependents, I would arrive at home late at night, have a quick take-out dinner and then I was back to my laptop to work from home. Now, this wasn’t always the case each and every day, but the scenario I am painting is that of a lifestyle spent at work and on taking some ‘me-time’ away from work. Prayer and bible time were mornings and evenings and the rest of the day was jam-packed. Had I been married with children, my husband and I would only get to spend time as a family, for a lesser part of the day, with most of it spent out of the home. Our children would have spent most of the day in the care of someone other than their parents. I know that this is the case with many families in today’s society, but should we be spending time away from our family so much? Is that what a family is intended to be?

There are some who may have less than favorable circumstances to deal with, and I am not criticizing the single mom or dad that has to work more than one job to put food on the table. These situations are not ideal. The picture of an ideal family, as God intended is one in which both parents are teaching children the ways of the Lord, the commandments of the Lord, (Proverbs 2:6) night and day. Both parents together have a role in raising children to the glory of God and each parent individually has their role as mother and as father. The words of the Lord in Deuteronomy 6: 6-9 spell it out quite clearly:

[eltdf_blockquote text=” “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.  You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” ” title_tag=”h2″ width=””]

Children are to be taught, 24/7, the commandments of the Lord, from their parents. “When you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up”. Whether you eat or you drink, or whatever you may do, do it all to the glory of God (1 Cor. 10:31). How best to teach children in this way, than to spend most of our time with them? God commands:

• Men to love their wives, lead their wives and children as the head of the household under Christ (Eph 5:23, 1 Cor 11:3), to provide for the household (1 Tim 5:8), to train and discipline children (Eph 6:4, Prov 15:5).
• Women to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord (Eph 5:22, 24, Col 3:18) manage the home (Prov 14:1, 31:27, 1 Tim 5:13-14,Titus 2:5) teach their children( Prov 22:6) and younger women (Titus 2:3), train and discipline children under the authority of her husband.
• Children to honour and obey their parents as unto the Lord. (Col 3:20, Exodus 20:12)

The Lord our God has given us roles within and for the family, which is the bedrock of society.

One thought that I always have when reading in the news, about the atrocities that are taking place in this world, is that those who commit such heinous crimes were once sweet little babies who have/had a mother and a father. Yes, some may have been victims of circumstances such as an absent parent or many may have been orphaned, but the fact remains, that a man and a woman came together to bring forth a child. A child, who, no matter what the circumstances, is a blessing for the Lord. The parents and children, no matter what the circumstances, have a biblical mandate as male and female, mother and father, as children.

The very fabric of society as God intended, has been marred by sin and torn apart at the seams as we try to find all kinds of solutions, work harder, have better schools, have better nannies and daycare centers. It’s a never-ending spiral that we will forever be caught up in, because we cannot find solutions to societies’ problems in this world. Children will grow up to be the robbers, lairs, cheaters, swindlers and killers we see and read about in the news, unless they are raised by Godly parents who are obedient to God’s word. No, not all children will grow up to be killers, they may be good children and grow up to be great adults, but good children and great adults are still accountable to God when they die.(Ecclesiastes 12:14)

All are doomed, unless we believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and are saved, unless we repent of our sins and turn to Christ who is the author of our salvation. Only through Christ are we saved, and by the power of the Holy Spirit, are able to see sin for what it is and look to Christ. Only through Him are we justified and sanctified to live our lives in obedience to Him. He created us, he created families, and if we are to have Godly families our eyes should be fixed upon Him. There is no other way to be obedient to His commands.

I left the corporate world that I knew I wouldn’t be a part of for a long time. At the right time, the Lord provided a loving, God-fearing husband who had the same convictions as I did, regarding family and raising children to the glory of God. I now work from, in and for the home, which is the sphere/launching pad that God has given to me. What a blessing it has been to submit to the Lord and honor Him and his commands; to learn at His feet, about how to raise a family for the furtherance of His Kingdom; to teach my child the ways of the Lord and make the home a haven for my family and guests within our gates. Without the Lord Jesus Christ, it isn’t possible. All Glory and honour be unto Him.

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